My old person trait is that I think 'ghosting' is completely unacceptable and you owe the other person a face-to-face conversation.
this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2023
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I DO NOT owe you a text back. If I'm not physically w you, I owe you very little in terms of interaction. I come home, throw my phone under the bed, and ignore till morning, and I prob won't answer you then either. It's not personal...usually.
I only text my wife, or instant message people from work.
Everyone else gets a phone call that has a concrete beginning and end. I get anxious having multiple running conversations waiting for a reply.
I feel like old people take most offense to being ignored in that case.
Yep, my son and I have that dynamic going on.
Bothers the hell out of me when he doesn't reply and to him he can't understand why he should reply to me in a timely manner.
I think it just comes down to our generation was trained it's rude to ignore someone, where the newer generations think it's totally okay to ghost someone temporarily.
Socially I just can't wrap my head around that, but sure why not, 21st century etc. etc.
Probably much older than your son, but I do the same. I don't view an instant message as a call to action, if it's indeed urgent, just call me.
If you want something that reacts to you every time you want get a dog.
Unless it’s immediately important, you’re not entitled to communication, and trying to force people who don’t want to communicate just because you want to is the best way to alienate and lose them.
And this has nothing to do with „21st century“.
No one is saying that within the first 10 seconds of receiving a text message a conversation response has to be done. Don't be pedantic.
But if you receive the text message and you're too busy to have a conversation just respond with a "Hey I'll get back to you later " so you are not leaving the person hanging.
Always respond back, with either a start of a conversation, or a postponement of a conversation. Or else why the f did you bother letting them have your phone number in the first place, if you're never going to answer their text messages?
TLDR: don't leave someone hanging. If you don't have the time to converse with them right now tell them that like you would do face to face in person.
It was so expected that you immediately start digging your heels in. You don’t even understand that your behaviour is problematic.
You did „train“ your son (and probably a lot of other people) very well, by imposing your completely arbitrary definition of what you consider communication etiquette, by demanding they always (sic!) adhere to your rules, and by demonstrating that you do not respect other people’s, rules, choices, idiosyncrasies, and boundaries.
You’re the one who is incredibly rude and pedantic, but somehow it’s always the other people who are wrong.
It’s no wonder he doesn’t react to your calls. I wouldn’t either.
PS: how exactly were you „trained“ to send text messages. I’m old enough to have lived without computers. Do you know how quick people reacted to you when they were busy? Right, they didn’t.
Just for the record, because you're mostly just foaming at the mouth at this point, and have never met me, or know anything about me to make the presumptions you're making, but my son is his own person, and he never responds back quickly.
And when I talk to him about it he understands my position but he disagrees with me.
I feel it's a disrespect, but I honor him and let him do whatever he wants as he's his own person.
I would just reiterate if you allow somebody an avenue to communicate with you, it's rude when they try to communicate with you and you don't respond.
Right, next page in the playbook: declaring criticism as emotional and irrational so you can continue ignoring it.
Don’t worry. You’ve been quite vocal enough here to judge you. The fact that you completely fail to understand the concept of „consent“ speaks volumes already.
Nothing says you’re totally cool with things like going on to whine about how disrespected you feel to total strangers on the internet, lol.
What is it now, just moments ago he didn’t respond in a „timely matter“, now he doesn’t respond at all.
I would just like to reiterate that it’s not your right to decide if, when, and how other people respond to your communication attempts. But again, you’ve already established you do not understand consent.
I'm big on not branding someone in a "Kill the Messenger" sort if way, but the tone of your replies shows me that you're overly emotional and not intellectually honest in the conversation.
Your nitpicking on points just to make your point in a strawman sort if way, and how you are not trying to consider the real meaning of the points I'm trying to make, is visible for all to see.
It's just not worth my time to correspond with you anymore, you're trying to protect your ability to be rude to others who have your cell number for texting reasons, no matter what, just to make your own personal life easier.
For the record, I disagree with the points you're making, you are incorrect In them.
Carry on, Internet Warrior.
What is that even supposed to mean, lol.
a) no, I'm not, you're just not used to people telling you to your face that you're the one who's a rude pedant with control issues.
b) being emotional is nothing bad, and calling other people emotional, again, is just a way for you to dismiss and deflect criticism.
What nitpicking, what strawman, exactly? I was asking you to tell what "timely" is. You spend days whining about your son being "rude" yet you cannot even quantify what that means. Where's the strawman there?
You're conflating your perception with reality. May I suggest you go to your inbox and then I think you'll quickly realize that it's quite the other way round.
Ah, so I don't know you, but you are allowed to speculate freely how I behave towards others, gotcha.
FTR, I do, as a matter of fact, respond to other people in "a timely manner" (though I'm sure it wouldn't meet your high standards). I also have enough respect for other people to not judge them just because I understand they don't have the same life, the same "rules", nor do I expect them to make me the center of the universe.
Sure, you get to decide who is "correct", lol. Any more delusions of grandeur you want to share?
Uuuuh. Yeah, you're clearly not emotional. At all. Your lack of self awareness is really quite something.
It's kind of rude though, and it may not gain you very many friends, which if that's not something you prioritize on it's fine (for you) of course.
It's almost like if two people were sitting in a restaurant talking and one person asks the other one a question and the other person just ignores them. Just seems rude to me.
Now if you're getting too many texts from one person there's a different conversation to be had about boundaries, but that's different than your point.
It isn't comparable to ignoring someone at a restaurant. A restaurant was choice made by someone to show up and participate. Consent if you will. A text message from someone was not planned or requested most of the time. It is a non consensual conversation until they choose to respond.
In the 90s it was considered fairly normal to just show up at someones house as well. If you show up to someone's house without notice now it is often considered rude. While it can be a nice surprise, whatever we are doing in the privacy of our own homes is ours to know and not for others to barge in on.
Anyways, I just checked and saw I have 1034 contacts with numbers in my phone because I never delete them. There are ~15 people I would text with. (Mostly family)
Consent is given when you give out your phone number to that person.
If you want to withdrawal consent then you need to ask them to stop texting you and to remove your phone number from their address book.