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A quick guide to computer components (lemmy.world)

submitted 8 months ago by Maven to c/[email protected]

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[–] dumpsterlid 12 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

See this is exactly what I am talking about when I say HP is leaving money on the table here, when thinking about these topics you just utilized the intellectual property of the following products for self improvement, recreation and social benefit:

Economically Recoverable Use Of Products By Thought (ER-UOPBT)

HP EcoPrecision Advanced Document Rendering Suite™ (HP EDARS™)
    For the simple act of translating your document into printer-readable format.

HP SmartCartridge Alignment Pro+ System™ (HP SCAPS™)
    Ensures your ink cartridges are perfectly aligned for each print, for the low price of continued subscription.

HP QuantumInk Subscription Service™ (HP QISS™)
    Provides monthly ink deliveries while monitoring your ink levels remotely through quantum encryption.

HP PrintAssure Secure Environment Technology™ (HP PASET™)
    An exclusive service that creates a secure printing tunnel to protect your documents from prying eyes.

HP PaperLoad Ultimate Feed Mechanism™ (HP PLUFM™)
    A premium paper tray enhancement that promises to handle even the thinnest paper without a single jam.

HP ColorSync Precision Match™ (HP CSPM™)
    A color management system that requires regular calibration via an online service to maintain color accuracy.

HP PageSense Automated Counting Service™ (HP PACS™)
    A cloud-based page counting solution to ensure you're billed for each dot of ink on the paper.

HP IntelliConnect Wi-Fi Booster Pack™ (HP IWBP™)
    A proprietary Wi-Fi extension service designed to maintain a robust connection between your devices and the printer.

HP ClearText Font Rendering Optimization™ (HP CFRO™)
    A patented font enhancement service that sharpens the text on your prints, available in 12-month access packages.

HP OneTouch Print Harmony Experience™ (HP OTPHE™)
    A personalized one-button printing interface that's locked behind a bi-monthly membership fee.

HP Printalytics Predictive Maintenance Hub™ (HP PPMH™)
    An AI-driven analysis tool that predicts printer issues and schedules interventions, all reportable to your HP Premium Support Account Manager.

HP UltraPrint Resolution Enhancement Layer™ (HP UREL™)
    A downloadable print resolution enhancement that requires a special code from your HP Print Quality Loyalty Program.

HP FirstSheet FastTrack Technology™ (HP FFST™)
    Speeds up the printing of the first page of any document after a minor upgrade to your printer firmware.

HP WhisperMode Acoustic Dampening Service™ (HP WMADS™)
    A subscription-based service to reduce printer noise with each cycle, for a more serene office environment.

Thus you are clearly already a customer of HP, and the exchange of HP giving your mind the imaginative capacity (Thought-As-A-Service) to visualize a printed document it is only reasonable to bundle with a subscription you pay to HP.

Are you going to tell me the US Supreme Court isn't dumb enough to make this federal law? Also, if you think my joke was wayyy too much of a logical stretch to make any sense you should see what these people think about women and their bodies.