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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/snoopgoop7 on 2023-06-23 23:56:47+00:00.
Me (27 F) and my Husband (30 M) just got married this January, but the wedding was an absolute mess. For context, my husband Ben has a very close-knit family that doesn’t take well to outsiders, surprises, or change. Most family reunions and gatherings don’t allow plus-ones or spouses, just immediate family. Ben has 2 other brothers and 1 sister. Each of my in-laws have wives/husbands, yet they still aren’t allowed to come to the majority of family events, so it’s fortunately not just me.
Even though I cannot attend most events with his family, I still have a somewhat decent relationship with them. Before the wedding I’ve never had a major issue with them, but they’ve always been distant from me and I don’t really mind.
Now, let’s talk about the wedding. The wedding was planned for New Years Day, since that was the day we met, the day Ben asked me to be his girlfriend, and the day he proposed, so that holiday has always been very special to us. Everyone agreed that New Years Day was a perfect day for the wedding, so no issues there.
Unfortunately, we did have a problem with other things. Ben’s family has lots of odd traditions that they do, and over the years I’ve put up with them and embraced them. They include having a homemade sheet cake rather than a professional wedding cake, wearing all white, and having ALL of the children walk up the aisle to toss flowers rather than having ONE designated flower girl/boy. However, I wanted my wedding day to be good for the both of us, so we made some compromises. We could have the homemade sheet cake, but we both had to agree on the flavor and design, anyone could wear what they wanted (besides white), and there would be no children at the wedding. (My husband suggested that, not me.) We talked to both of our family’s, and everyone agreed that these rules and boundaries were fine, (or so we thought).
The day of the wedding came, and my side of the family was dressed appropriately, no children were present, everything was going great. Then, Ben’s family came. There were lots of children and babies and everyone was wearing all white. Apparently their traditions were more important than when I had to say. Only 3 people actually respected the rules set in place. The spouses of Ben’s siblings. Ben and I were mortified. We immediately kicked then out and allowed the 3 people who followed the rules to stay, but they left with their partners (which we didn’t mind).
The wedding went on as normal, but it felt ruined. We ended up cancelling the post-wedding celebration after some of his family members snuck inside. After we came back from out honeymoon, we were both berated by his family members and basically “shunned” from his family. I feel guilty for not allowing them to practice their traditions. AITA?
You advised them of the rules before hand. It'd be one thing if you told them at the wedding, but they knew first and did it anyways, I'd have kicked them out to. But then again this kinda shit is why no one but my parents and brother from my family were allowed at my wedding.