Asklemmy

Excellent points. Sorry about the history that led to your bias btw.

I think a lot about his admission to Skyler about having done it for himself because of how great that moment was. I think that it's most likely that it was always true, but he probably didn't realize it until he had a lot of time to think back on it and reflect. I've certainly looked back at how shitty I was when I was younger and had the realization that I had been a selfish prick but thought I was a good person at the time.

When I said that he held himself accountable for his choices, I meant that if he were a selfish and indecent person, he might've backed out of the responsibilities he signed up for when things didn't serve him. I think I remember that there was a flashback of seeing the house and that he didn't think it was a good buy because of the price vs his salary but he relented for the sake of his family. He stuck around with Skyler despite being pretty clearly unhappy. He stuck to teaching despite having a great scientific mind that could've achieved much more. When they got pregnant again like 15 years after having their first child, I'm assuming that it wasn't a planned pregnancy. Walter just kinda let life happen to him, and he took on more and more burden. He was committed to that family no matter how much they walked over him and expected their wants and needs to come before his own. Internalizing all of that expectation played a significant role in him snapping. He could've set clear barriers, gently or otherwise, or completely walked out, but instead he gave them everything until he realized he had already given nearly everything he would ever be capable of giving.

So, did he actually enter the meth business with the goal of giving them even more? It would align with his character before since that's really all he's ever done and maybe all he knows how to do. Or was he finally being selfish for once just before his death rattle that was coming any day now? It really doesn't matter. For me, I think it's possible that his admission to Skyler that he had been doing it for himself may have actually been one last lie, trying to atone for his sins that caused his family so much pain and damage; he may have been giving her what she wanted to hear to allow her to hate him and blame him; he may have been giving her the one, final thing he had left to give: his pride. It's possible that he was falling on his sword for the foolish gamble he took; he may have thought that he was only gambling with his own life which was already forfeit anyway, but he instead gambled away the lives of the people he was working so hard to secure. Ironic.

Or maybe he was just a total piece of shit from birth. Idk, I'm not Vince Gilligan lol.