Asklemmy

43958 readers

1543 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

182

How do I cope with my father hating me? (lemm.ee)

submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My father, who convinced me (16 m) at the time to move in with him instead of my mother when they moved. All 3 of the other siblings stayed with my mother. He then kicked me out the week I turned 18, a week into my senior year. Since then he stays in touch only to speak with his grandchildren (now going on 4 kids). I have never been anything but opportunistic and positive in our interactions. Regardless he still acts like I am a burden to talk too. Am now 37, and finally getting to the point I should accept it. I'm the complete opposite with my own children and can't comprehend how someone could treat their child like this. How do I cope? It eats at me. I will answer any questions in depth if it will help in understanding the situation.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 35 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I’m sorry you are going through this. I haven’t had any experience like this besides having an alcoholic sister.

But I’d just suggest that you need to try to come to terms with the fact that your pop seems like an asshole. This is all speculation. I bet he convinced you to stay with him as a way to hurt your mom. You as a person were not important to him, but he wanted to use you. So when you turned 18, he didn’t want to deal with you anymore because it cost him more than he got out of it.

You can’t do anything to change him, you can just work on you. For me with my sister, I just sort of accepted that she is who she is and I’ll never have the relationship I wanted with her. I don’t go out my way to avoid her, but I certainly don’t really ever try to interact with her. It has worked, but the relationship between siblings is less important I think than a parent child relationship.

Maybe therapy could help? Or read up on narcissistic personality disorder and see if that fits your dad.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago

Thanks for the response