I apologize in advance if posts like this are not welcome here.
I have a friend circle of 6 guys including me. Before some of us got jobs, we used to play games everyday, hang out together if we are in town. Everyone was chill, enjoyed games more and mostly respected each other to some degree.
After getting jobs we still made time to play and hang out, but not as frequently. I only get time to play games with them on the weekends as my job is in a different time zone. But I still call or text them nearly everyday. Some of them play every single day (kind of addicted to GTA online and valorant for some reason).
But in the last couple of months I have noticed a shift in their behavior. Talking behind each others backs and always getting offended for the silliest of things. This is especially true for those who continued to mindlessly play every single day (they work on the same startup company as well).
I always knew that there was one guy among us who would unnecessarily run his mouth. But I always thought of it as his way of having fun. Mybe it was his way of feeling included. Idk. So I never took any of his ramblings to heart. But everything hits differently now, in a bad way. Every conversation feels like I'm walking on eggshells. Now the others are also starting to become like him.
It's not just me who thought this way. Another guy who have been besties for a long time with the blabbermouth guy personally called me and told that the whole group feels like it's infected by something and shared thoughts similar to mine.
I want to call it out, but i'm not sure how to do that in a thoughtful way. I just want them to reflect on themselves, not that I have any right to say that. I'm not afraid of offending them as it's almost impossible to say anything meaningful without doing so.
Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Hmm, not sure exactly what you mean by the one who talks, but normally the type I'm thinking of try and be 'special' in some way by having secrets with each person. It gives them a sense of control by presuming they have some unique information shared with only certain people. How to get them out of that mentality is a trick, but breaking that illusion of control is a big part of it.
It is possible that this is the case with him. Since he is not good with secrets and will definitely talk behind my back, I stopped sharing anything personal with him. He also digs up such topics from long back and uses it as part of his attack. He probably hates me because I do not share anything personal with him anymore.
Well nowadays I control what I share with the group. wouldn't want any unnecessary arguments over some silly shit.
I'd love to read up on topics like "breaking illusion of control" you mentioned. Please do suggest if you know any good articles or books that touch on this matter.
I'm not aware of specific writings, but similar topics come up in things like being a leader in the workplace. Say there is someone who has a few skills, but is uniquely the only person who knows how to deal with some arcane process. Now this person has a measure of control by being the only one with ready knowledge of this process, but this also puts them solely as the point of failure and responsible for the outcomes.
So this person has some control but also breeds resentment and is likely holding back other improvements. Someone will eventually find a workaround to this process and strip this person of the special status they had involuntarily and possibly leaving them out in the cold.
Conversely, if this person voluntarily gave up their control, spread the knowledge, helped improve the situation and at the same time relieved themselves of the duty to be the single keeper of knowledge, they become a valued member and even leader within the group.
It may not be a great comparison, but it's something of a 'shifting the peceptions' for someone.