this post was submitted on 06 Dec 2023
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JustGuysBeingDudes
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How is it that a man who is completely paralyzed is in a better mood than I. Literally, I wake up every morning and say a few cuss words because I woke up again. I’m fully able, but just don’t want to do this anymore. Against amazing odds I’m still here, and yet I’m very very unenthused with that fact.
On the other hand this man is trapped in what most would consider a fucking nightmare, and he’s cool with it. I wonder how much of that depends on stress and support networks. After all it sounds like his family loves him a lot. Where as when I went to jail, and they asked who to contact in case of emergency or death. I told them no one. Because I literally have no one.
Oh well, that’s enough pity partying. Time to get off the toilet and start a new day.
I hope things pick up for you man.
Thanks man! Unfortunately, my life has been a series of shit storms with small moments of rest when the eye passes over almost since I was born. So, I doubt the forecast calls for better weather anytime soon.
I’ve been thinking about starting a community that’s just stories about my life experiences. Everyone I’ve told about my life agrees that it’s pretty entertaining as long as you’re not the one living it. Stuff like the time I accidentally hung out with a murderer a couple of days after he killed and a day or two before he turned himself in and he described in detail the murder to me. There was also the time my dope dealer called me and my wife at the time to try some drugs and make sure they were good. Only, to see a man overdose at a HUGE drug deal and me and my dealer worked feverishly to revive the man lest one of us have to dump the body. Ya know, stuff like that.
Also, there are good things. Like, they hiv positive gay man that was way more patient with me than I deserved. He taught me about empathy, and gave me a safe place to get away from my dad, and all he ever asked in return was my friendship. He probably taught me more about being a man than my dad ever did.
As with everything in life. The truth is more gray than black and white. Also, like it says in the prophet or in that mad season song if you prefer “My pain is self chosen”. I don’t blame anyone but myself for my current predicament. Sure some problems are circumstantial but most are poor decisions. A whole lot of “let’s see where this goes” kind of behavior.
Sorry for the wall of text. I’m bored, but I’m sure you have stuff to do today. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Edit: I mentioned the fact that the man was hiv positive because that happened in the mid-90s. It was a way bigger deal back then.
Old war-stories are always entertaining once you confidently know they're in the past and aren't continuing. I hope that's true for you, or you're on the way to making it true.