This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/VioletThunderX on 2023-06-26 05:27:48+00:00.
I am 28F and my roommate is 27M, let’s call him X. Second year living together and X is a part of my extended friend group and hence a reason for moving in with him - he came somewhat vetted and it was better than living with strangers.
The issue at hand - I recently got back from a trip to Las Vegas where I went to this big candy store that sells candy by the pound. You basically pick what you like from bins into a bag and they weight it at the register and you pay. I do have a sweet tooth however, so as to not get carried away I picked out some specific things I would like and paid for them. It was around $20. The day I got back , X asked me if I had gone to the store with the Dr Pepper flavored jelly beans (he knows about the store). I said I had but I didn’t get the Dr Pepper ones, but I did get other flavors. I offered him my bag and said “hey try some of them, they’re good”. He takes a handful and says they’re great, I set the bag down on the kitchen counter and walk away. X continues to get increasingly high with his friend.
5 hours later I want to try some of the things I got, so I went to the kitchen but the bag wasn’t there. I look around and it’s on the coffee table with X passed out on the couch which is kinda weird bc I didn’t leave it there. I go to grab my bag and I see it’s 90% empty. I also happen to startle X awake and he’s like “what are you doing?” . I ask him if he ate all the candy and we go back and forth for five minutes as he acts like he doesn’t know what I mean. Finally I point to my bag, point to him and shake it. He then says “I have money I can replace it.” I ask if he’s going to Vegas soon and he says no but he has money. I say “this is not cool at all man” and walk away.
To be honest if he had just apologized I wouldn’t be that mad but everytime weed is involved he does something to upset someone and never owns up to it. Not even a “my bad”. Sometimes he rsvps to events and doesn’t show up bc he got too high. Sometimes he will lock my cat in the linen closet for hours because my cat ran in there while my roomie was looking for something and he forgets to bring the cat out even thought he saw it run in. Sometimes he leaves the front door partly open late at night.And on top of it his attitude today when I asked was not to my liking at all. So I am thinking of asking him to stop using my gaming console and other things I keep in the living room because he can’t respect other peoples belongings.
Why I think I may be the AH- a total ban on using my devices might be an overkill especially since it’s over something small like candy. It seems really dumb to care this much over $20, maybe I need to find a different hill to die on.
Thank you for reading!
NAH, but I don’t think that will help anything. In my eyes, as a responsible adult that actually wants to resolve things and improve your living situation, you have two options.
First option is to find another roommate. If you have issues like this and you start responding in ways that’s going to further drive a wedge in your relationship then it will escalate and eventually you will end up doing it anyway.
But if I was you (depending on how much you like this guy and how done with his bullsh** you are) I’d try to talk to him about how his behaviour when he gets high bothers you. He’s gonna make up stealing your sh*t to you somehow, and it’s gotta be something you both decide is fair. And then you have to have some kind of collateral to ensure that he actually changes and doesn’t do it again.
If you go nuclear without first talking to him about it, you have no leverage and he might be able to claim that you’re being irrational (you’re not but that doesn’t matter.) If he doesn’t smarten up, you’re gonna start taking the power cord with you for your consoles when you leave the house. I’m guessing you’ll have to do something like that because if he doesn’t have the constitution to stop himself from stealing from you when he’s high he wont just follow an honour system if you tell him he’s not allowed.