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Is it too late to date for me? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I'm not really sure where you're going with this. What's the alternative, just working yourself to death? You can date whenever you decide to date.

Everyone's life is different. Some people are married, have kids, and divorce before they can even have a legal drink. Others kind of slowly see a friendship morph into a long term relationship without them even noticing. Still others are happy to be free and unattached. Your story is your own, on your own timeline.

If you have a more specific concern (which I think you do), such as how to meet people after 25, try posting that as its own question to the right audience. Just be careful to avoid the toxic areas, like incels.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Okay, well here's the alternative. This is something I don't expect anyone to understand but its okay. My parents and my family in general are very very conservative (basically I grew up Muslim) and I am not a practicing Muslim anymore because my values don't align with each other. So its just me now even though I do talk to my family and everything where we keep everything cordial. Its just that they're forcing me to marry someone of my ethnicity with someone who THEY like not me. I know the obvious for some is to stand your ground to which I do and every time they talk about my marriage I do stand my ground. It sounds as a man like yay I don't have make so much effort just to get married or anything but for me I care about my values more. I am very left-wing and liberal also pretty much westernized as I felt at home more in the US that I ever did in my life tbh.

This is why I am just so stressed about marriage and dating too. Cause if I did find someone, at least my family could back off and they'll realize that I have my own life here and there's nothing they can do so they'll accept it. But right now they know that I am trying to date an American woman who I get along much more its just me idk and they're trying to stop that by getting me married to someone they so I can conform to their liking and to the culture I grew up hating so much because I felt like an outsider tbh.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

There's quite a lot to unpack there. I don't think anyone likes the idea of a forced marriage, especially with someone you do not like. Your relationship with your parents is its own discussion, and sounds complicated. A simple answer would be a "beard", but that creates its own web of lies.

You've probably heard that love comes when you least expect it, which also doesn't easily fit into your plans. Desperately seeking a partner is probably the least effective way to find one. You need to be able to have a relaxed approach, and let the chips fall where they may.

As difficult as it is, I recommend trying to forget about meeting a potential wife, and instead try to meet people in general. Attend whatever group events are happening for whatever you're interested in. Make (platonic) friends with people there. If the existing events don't lead to friendships, branch into new ones. Ever wanted to cook? Take a cooking class. Does bowling sound like fun? Join a league.

Eventually, one of these will lead to someone that's interested. It may not be someone in the group, either. It could be a friend of a friend, or someone that you meet randomly. They see you having fun, and conversation can start from there.

Also, learn how to carry a conversation. This is critical to opening the doors to a date, or date #2. There are a variety of books, videos, seminars, etc that can help