this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2023
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Women with Autism
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Since autism in females presents differently, we need a place to discuss our own issues and triumphs dealing with Autism.
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Hmm, struggling to think of the biggest positive at the moment since I'm feeling quite low. I guess the connection I have with my autistic partner feels so much more rewarding when I get misunderstood so often.
The worst part for me has to do with the combination of rejection sensitivity, the anxiety it causes and how it's given me low confidence that I'm trying to build up. After feeling confident for quite awhile I've had a bit of dent on it and now it feels so much harder to get up again.
That does sound great! My partner understands better than most but not completely, so we still have the occasional miscommunication.
I feel that second part. My confidence is higher than it's ever been. For months I've been scared I will lose it, but I realized that if it got there once, it can again. Don't lose heart. You know you are capable of feeling it. It's hard to literally reverse your thinking. You didn't raise your confidence, it's just lower than normal right now. Your baseline shouldn't be where you are now, but where you want it to be.
I think the trick I have used is, if it's confidence in a specific thing, try to step back from that thing and do something you know for sure you can. Take baking for example. Say you have gotten good at baking bread but you mess one up. Confidence lost. Step back, bake a pie instead. Then a cake. Then tackle the bread again. Hopefully you get the idea.
We have our arguments as well but we've gotten a lot better at arguing, now we can sort of pull back and express how we feel about the issue, not that the other person must be wrong for disagreeing.
And you're right, I would've had a lot bigger dent on that confidence before and now instead of wallowing in it for ages I've grown angry cause I know I've not been treated right.
I've slowly built up confidence working with people and being more social and felt like my feelings and opinions were respected, but then had them outright ignored. I don't know if I'm still bitter thinking that a coworker I thought of as a friend is less so a friend but at the same time it's given me a push to apply for jobs higher up in my career since I don't need to feel like I'm leaving my friends behind. I've been thinking I need another year before I'd feel confident enough to train to be a nurse rather than a carer but I might just find out if I can start sooner.
It's an odd realization that the "deep bond" other people have with others is more like an acquaintance to us. We both use the same words to describe our friends, but mean very different things by it.
I fully believe this one fact is why we have so many problems with people we deem friends. They don't have the same actual connection to us we have with them, so the things they do to us don't mean the same thing. Brushing off an acquaintance is no big deal for either party, which is where they come from. For us though, a friend is being unacceptable.