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Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Well I never went to AA aside from one meeting where I felt everyone was just addicted to AA instead of Alcoholism, but I imagine some of what I know could have been learned through osmosis from others, and thus may not be as accurate as I’d like. Can you tell me which so I can update my understanding?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

So the rock bottom thing, it comes from the AA idea that people are helpless to fix themselves and must submit to god/a higher power. It's completely untrue that you must hit anything and plenty get help very early on having realised they have an issue.

This is a more detailed breakdown - https://www.smartrecovery.org/the-flawed-psychology-of-forcing-people-to-hit-rock-bottom/

An abstinence only approach has also been debunked. Again, it comes from the AA teachings that you are powerless. Some people may choose abstinence for a wide range of reasons, it sounds like it's worked for you and thats ace but it's not the only approach to problematic drinking and many succesful programs now work on moderation or other methods of reduction.

This study found that abstinence and reduction programs have similar levels of success - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33188563/

The powerlessness comment, I think I've covered through the other points.

Finally, this article I think covers the points I've missed (and the ones I haven't tbf) - https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/