this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2023
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From what I understand, being someone who runs in Christian circles, the basic idea of "love languages" wasn't ever really intended to be some sort of final word or taken as hard science as the author of this article seems to think. Instead, it's meant to be a useful way of looking at things to help people understand their partners and their own needs better and how to communicate with them. You could probably still call it pseudoscience with the way some people treat it but I don't see how it's fair to implicate the writer of the five love languages as being a conman cause it probably was never really intended to be science in the first place.
That being said, I haven't actually read the book for myself, only having heard him on radio interviews and elsewhere, and I haven't thoroughly read this article, so it's entirely possible I'm just missing something. I also agree that calling him "Dr." without clarification is misleading.
I read the book back when it was just one book and not a whole franchise.
It was a good book. The basic premise was: early in relationships, love is abundant and you're meeting each others needs on every level. Later on, you will grow into routines and will need to be more thoughtful to keep the spark alive. That starts with understanding what is important for your partner. Maybe you don't care for receiving gifts, but your partner does, so give them gifts. You might appreciate one-on-one time more, so ask your partner for that. And if you both happen to love physical touch, then make sure to invest in that.
Defining the five love languages was obviously a best effort attempt to make it understandable and memorable.
It wasn't dogmatic. The premise was that everyone speaks all five love languages, but people also tend to have one or two that are more important for them.
I am no longer a Christian, but I still agree with these basic premises. Although I now prefer more general terms like "being on the same frequency" or "knowing how the other person ticks".
Too many dumb people now apply the five love languages way to simplistically. Seems they are also milking it for all they can.
Yeah my therapist recommended it as a good way to get a general read on what's more important to you/your partner.
Definitely not to be taken as strict definitions.
Most people like all of them but some are more important than others.