Void Screaming
Scream Your Unpleasant thoughts into the void! Sometimes it makes them quieter! ...sometimes. (Almost) Everything is OK! I will remove only select things if they suggest other races or genders should not exist. otherwise, SCREAM.
This is the corollary to c/mentalhealth where you have to be concerned about not triggering others. Here, you can just say it and have it witnessed or temporarily vibed with. Sometimes you just gotta let the void call out to quiet it, and this space is here for you.
I do recommend that you perhaps not subscribe to this community to avoid regular negativity in your browsing experience. Just let this space be here for you when the void is consuming you and you need to scream at it to get it to back off.
If you do choose to respond to a poster, please try to VALIDATE them (validation =/= support/encouragement for such thoughts). You can tell them their thoughts are things that exist and that deserve to be heard without telling them that those thoughts SHOULD exist or that they are supposed to be thinking them. Doing so is an art, however, and it's ok if you have not mastered it. Thank you for being here.
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You'd be amazed at how many people feel the same way. I've known a lot of people who have over the years. The thing is, the vast majority of them stop feeling that way at some point, and become glad they never (successfully) ended things. A lot can change over a lifetime.
It would be good to reach out to someone who's trained to deal with feelings like yours. Your future self will thank you if you do.
I live under the whim of emotionally abusive people and i don't have much access to any resources, including phones. but i will see a psychiatrist in a few weeks for ocd. But that doesn't do much to improve my condition or outlook on life. As time goes on everything is becoming worse, and its acceleratting. It feels like slow never ending torture. Even on drugs i can't find much will or genuine happiness. I am in a dire state and i cannot wait years for my life to get a bit better.
Please, please tell the OCD psychiatrist what you've told us. Their advice is going to be much better than ours. Really, what have you got to lose?
One thing I'll say though, and I've told this to my own daughter. Being sad feels terrible, but it's a normal thing. Having depression is an illness, and it needs to be treated in the same way that a broken bone or a major laceration does. The problem is that, when you have a broken bone, your whole being is screaming at you to get it taken care of. You know it needs to be fixed. But with depression, there's such a feeling of hopelessness that it doesn't feel like there's any use in it. All you can see is everything bad, and there's little room for even considering a way out. That's why you need to force yourself to see someone who can treat it.
Good luck. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. I hope you can find it.