This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwawayaita4543 on 2023-06-22 14:41:32+00:00.
I'm going to try get straight to the point. I'll call my sister Jen for this post, also if anyone's curious I'm 33 and Jen's 26. We've always gotten along fine but we've just never been super close.
I'm getting married in a few weeks, Jen's invited. We decided to have a child free wedding, no one under 18. (side note, I know some people don't agree with child free events and that's okay, but this is our decision.)
Jen has a 10 month old daughter. When the invites went out last year, they asked if they could bring the baby but I said no, this is the rule that we've decided for all our guests. She seemed to understand and confirmed she'll be attending the wedding.
Long story short, recently Jen asked me again if she could bring her daughter because the original arrangement she had is no longer possible, and she'd still like to attend my wedding. Again, I told her (politely) no, and she said if that's the case then she doesn't think she can make it. I said I understood, but I could see Jen was really upset.
Mom got involved and said I'm being selfish, and should allow Jen to bring her baby so she can attend at least part of the ceremony. She's saying she won't attend either and would rather stay with Jen.
I eventually snapped and said they both need to respect my decision, I understand if Jen doesn't want to come but she doesn't get to act all huffy and think the world needs to cater to her, and mom is willing to miss the biggest day of my life because of all this.
Needless to say it's been pretty tense between me and Jen. I've got a couple of people telling me I'm in the wrong here, so AITA?
You aren't the asshole. It's your wedding and you are allowed to set your own parameters and boundaries. Since you told everyone months ago what your rules are, everyone has had plenty of advance notice to prepare.
It doesn't matter that Jen's original arrangements fell through. It doesn't suddenly shift the burden on to you to make an exception for her. In fact, doing that could make you the asshole to your other guests who followed your rules. That being said, if you really want your sister to be able to attend, maybe you could offer to help her in some way to get a new arrangement. I know you're already busy af with the lead-up to your wedding and likely stressed out. If you have the means, the entire problem maybe could be solved by offering to throw some money at it. But if that's not possible, you still are NOT the asshole!!
Ultimately it is Jen's responsibility to figure it out. It's your day! Also, it's only one day, and you can always get together with your sister and family for quality time, another time. If they can't accept your boundaries here, I wonder how they behave in other situations.
Not there asshole. Your sister on the other hand.