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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Careless_Evidence_46 on 2023-06-22 11:47:16+00:00.
Background: My father (66M) suddenly passed away, in February. It’s been a big shock and adjustment for everyone.
My now husband (35M) proposed on my (33F) birthday in March, he’d already talked to my mum and dad about it. I’m not a fan of big parties, so Husband and I decided to do a small celebration for our engagement, have a nice meal at a fancy hotel, everyone can dress up.
The more we planned and the more we talked about it. We thought it would be fun to just get married. We have been together for coming up 10 years. Neither of us wanted a big wedding, so we thought a small surprise wedding would suit us. Especially with my dad passing away I didn’t want a traditional big white wedding.
We invited 10 people, my mum, sister and her partner. His mum, dad, brother, his partner and daughter. We also invited our best friends (who are also in a relationship).
All goes to plan, everyone arrives, they are escorted into our reserved room where they see a sign saying welcome to the wedding of “Husband and OP”. Everyone is surprised. Our officiant gets people in places. Husband and I walk in together. We get married. Both mums sign the marriage certificate. We go for our sit down meal.
Everyone seemed happy at the time, people were laughing. Saying they should have expected it. We had a photographer there to catch their reaction,ceremony and posed pictures after.
We went away locally for a small honeymoon. When we have gotten back, both my mum and his mum have pulled us aside separately to say they were disappointed in us. That we had taken away there opportunity to be with us when we chose a venue, did wedding planning stuff.
They are both especially upset they never came wedding dress shopping with me. Which I ironically didn’t even do, I bought a emerald green 1950s bodycon pencil dress online. It was the first and only dress I tried on.
AITA for taking away everyones chance to be involved with the wedding?
Not even sure if OP will see this being it's a cross-post from a bot but ...
NTA
It's your wedding, period. You could have always eloped, but you didn't. You made sure the important people TO YOU were there and you made sure it was a low stress, joyful experience FOR YOU. You owed no one anything.