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So, on pronouns. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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[–] fubo 208 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (14 children)

I live in a house with three queer/poly people. Around here, people sometimes introduce themselves or others with a note about their pronouns. But if someone doesn't, it's okay and either people will pick up the right ones from context, or they will guess and maybe be gently corrected.

"DiD yOu JuSt AsSuMe My GeNdEr??" is not real; it's an Internet troll parody.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (13 children)

That's a relief.

So just go on about my merry way and if someone corrects me respect their choices ?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That last bit is the important thing. If someone tells you pronouns, use them. If someone tells you they prefer "they/them" and you keep using he or she on purpose, you are disrespecting them.

We all make mistakes sometimes and most people I've met who use alternative pronouns that may conflict with their socially expected appearance don't mind correcting someone a few times or will brush it off a few times, but more than that, especially if you see and interact with this person regularly, you become an asshole.

[–] Transcendant 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I try really hard to be respectful of someones pronoun choice but I will readily admit I find 'they/them' requires quite active concentration and thought not to refer to someone as she / he.

[–] CookieOfFortune 9 points 1 year ago

Writing interview notes have actually helped a lot for me to use they/them since we have to be gender neutral in our notes. Now it's not so hard to switch into using it when needed.

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