this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2023
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As an autistic person, I'll say that I personally don't have a problem with the word retard and jokingly call my self retarded.
And that's fine, I don't mind people using the term about themselves really, but as someone with a very visible disability, I strongly oppose the use of it as a pejorative slur, because it's most regularly used by people who want me to be castrated (or worse) so that I don't reproduce and pass my "weak genes" to future generations. Perspective and all that.
Self-identification is valid, feel free. But using a term as an insult against others is not.
First of all, not only am I neurodiverse, I am also physical disabled, so if you think that you have some special power over this argument because of your identity or life experience, you’re totally wrong. You’re not in charge of tone-policing people who are opposing ableism.
The important thing here isn’t who has agency over which words, but whether or not your use of those words is harmful. No white person has ever really been victimised by the n-word, and therefore, they can’t really be hurt by it. Additionally, your example isn’t even what we’d think of as an insult. “You’re crazy” isn’t really a scathing remark unless it’s said in a certain way, and it’s way more often said in a playful or friendly context, like “wow, you’re working so hard, you’re crazy!”
If we cut deeper into what you’re saying (that identity is all that matters and that the n-word is fine to say if you have dark skin) then do you believe it would be acceptable for someone to say to someone else “You’re a horrible, disgusting n-word, go to hell”, for example? Would it matter what colour of skin either person had in that exchange?
Using the r-slur as an insult is harmful because it dehumanises people with disabilities. That’s the important thing, it’s nothing to do with semantics.
You started this by making your “gotcha” argument, all I did was explain why your argument doesn’t hold water. Instead of considering that you might have been wrong, instead you lash out in anger because your ego is in danger - and you accuse me of making people think that “we” are “crybabies” who will go into “meltdown”?
Take a deep breath, it’s okay to be wrong about things, I don’t think any less of you for that, and it’s a pretty natural response to become upset by it, made worse by rejection sensitivity, but it’s a really bad habit to fall into - try your best to stay level headed, and that way you can learn things instead of sticking your head in the sand.
But I want to make this very clear: I don’t speak for anyone but myself, and that’s enough - I don’t need your consent or your permission to try and make this world a better place for everyone and I don’t really care if you don’t approve or agree. I don’t care if people think I’m a wussy little sensitive baby, because the world I’m fighting for is an inclusive one, where people can be vulnerable without being worried about whether their masculinity will be called into question. And honestly, I think that’s a far greater strength than pretending it’s fine for people to use an ableist slur because I want to be the cool disabled kid. If you wanna do that, that’s your prerogative, but it’s some weak-ass uncle tom shit.
No, I don't at all. As I said elsewhere in this thread, I'm disabled, honestly, I find it hard to even consider myself the equal of others, but that's a problem I just have to deal with, I suppose.
Definitely not, that's actually more like my worst nightmare. I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, though.
If you think politely asking people to choose a better, more descriptive word instead of using an ableist slur means that someone is acting like a god-king, I wonder what a god-emperor would do...
Using ableist slurs is still ableism and it doesn't take much to oppose it. It took me about 10 seconds to write my argument.
Ah yes, the 'notoriety' of someone whom politely suggests alternatives to using ableist slurs. I'm like a modern day Blackbeard.
You're quite the projectionist, by the way.
Clearly, you're having such a blast. I definitely didn't trigger your emotional dysregulation because you tried to make a "logical" argument that fell apart as soon as anyone so much as looked at it. And you're definitely not trying to overcompensate by acting like you're just "trolling" and lying to yourself that what you're feeling is "fun" and not stress. This is exactly what I used to do, too. Get your ego under control, dude, you're smart and capable, you don't need to respond like this to every perceived slight. Trust me.
Glad that you're feeling a bit better! You're such a master manipulator tricking me like that, very naughty :D
Do you have anything nice planned for the weekend?
Hope you have a good time, try not to spend too much on stuff you don't need :D