This will be more of like a diary post, I just have to vent.
I’m just tired of all the medial issues happening. My spinal tap left me with so many complications so I got a blood patch that gave me even more complications and it didn’t even fully work. I still have symptoms of a csf leak. I go to my neurologist yesterday 3 weeks after the spinal tap and he says all the results from my spinal tap arnt even in. He said that he isn’t sure if insurance would cover another blood patch so he then and there decided to give me nerve numbing injections on both sides of my cervical spine. Then he threw me a bunch of migraine medication and told me to hope the blood patch can work itself out in the next few weeks.
I’m just tired. Since the spinal tap 3 weeks ago its just been so hard. I’ve been so tired and in so much pain. I was already in pain and tired before but this is different. Can’t do therapy cause insurance doesn’t cover it out of state since I work remote. I can’t actually let my family or friends know how hard it actually is wasting the entirety of being 25 in my apartment because some mysterious bullshit happened and put my life on hold.
It’s tough. I’ve lost all my friends besides one due to the fact I moved to a new city a year ago and then all this started. I haven’t been able to do anything all year. The simplest things cause too much pain. My pain mgt doc is helping me with pain meds but they make me so tired and out of it but it’s better than being in the pain I would be in without.
My previous life is gone, everything changed in one year. This spinal tap put me over the edge. I was staying strong but this spinal tap is the worst idea anyone has ever had. It’s hard dealing with all this myself. It’s definitely made me stronger mentally but I also don’t want to push myself into depression which I really think I’m going. I’m starting to be more and more numb as the days go on. Just care less about everything. But there’s nothing that I can do about it. I’m stuck where I am and this is my life for the foreseeable future. I don’t have the money to pay for therapists out of pocket. Medical bills have already drained me.
Same feel but in another life, no work and no friends and medical needs ahead. Even if this are needs I can't have it, I can't affront. Sudderly life become meanless, no matter how much I want to help myself, society do not needs me. Even become mad, lose the mind in the dark deep, dosnt not matter. We are alone, that's the feel with empty pockets. Nothing to offert, no money, no happy endings, and even if you want to live everyone else will be sure to do their best to split you like a disgusting croach.