this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2023
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Autism

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I can barely remember everything that's blown my mind. Seeing everything that I've felt, that's made me feel so isolated from other people because I can't explain it, or they just don't understand is crazy. Especially Echolalia. I literally can't go for a few seconds without quoting something. Especially Red Dead Redemption 2. Saying "sure" has never been the same after playing that game lol. Reading through this has blown my mind. It's like reading out my thoughts. Thanks for the support.

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[–] Sketchpad01 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Agent Milton's voice, specifically when he walks into their camp and dutch calls him agent moron.

[–] Polydextrous 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

That is my one wish for the game, that I got to beat Milton to death. His death was still satisfying, but dammit I wanted to do it.

Well…I do actually have more wishes for the game and the story. I tried my damndest to figure out how to change the story my second play through and not get TB, but it isn’t possible. I also tried to be a black hat this time, but dammit I’m just too emotionally invested to do horrible things to people lol

[–] Sketchpad01 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well that fits, it is called red dead redemption because you have to redeem yourself

[–] Polydextrous 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Very true. I definitely consider the “good” ending to be the true ending. Which, honestly, speaks to how incredibly well the game was designed. Giving you the choice but influencing your decisions to redeem your character’s life before they die? Shiiiit

[–] Sketchpad01 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Honestly this game made me so mad that I can't feel really strong emotions. Like you form a bond with Arthur throughout the game, you get to know and like him, and then you watch him die. I've talked with friends who said they cried when the game ended, I got nothing out of it. I was sad to see Arthur go, but I couldn't really express it. Still amazing game though holy cow.

[–] Polydextrous 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Interesting. Do you think that has anything to do with your possible autism? Because I also had a strong emotional reaction to it—but less to Arthur dying than about everything: the gang falling out, people leaving and moving on…there’s something that always makes me feel really empty and sad about watching a whole story play out, living in that “era” through the story and then seeing a “years later” epilogue where everything that was so important to the story is nothing more than a vague memory to the characters.

Did you ever see the movie Return to Seoul? That movie had a similar effect on me. I dunno what it is, but I’ve always felt that way. Just like the general feeling of life passing and things changing and never going back, this game evoked those emotions very strongly in me. Like the small group that gets back together at John’s house, that whole thing made me really sad.

It’s interesting that you were more angry than you were able to get sad about it. But there’s no one way to feel about it. But the game definitely made you feel stuff, which just goes to show how well it was done.

[–] Sketchpad01 1 points 1 year ago

I dont know if it's autism. Autism comes in many shapes and forms so it could be. I guess my frustration comes from knowing that I should be feeling emotional, and I want to feel emotional, but nothing happens. Similar thing happened when my dog died. I felt nothing. I think I cried once and it was more out of frustration than anything.