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Woke up at 4:58 this morning to yelling. Earplugs yanked out and groggy me seeing little yet hearing the word “water.”

I certainly don’t “spring” out of or in to anything, but today was my day, I suppose. I sprung out of bed and very quickly realized that torrents of water were streaming through, yes through, the walls and gushing across the floor of this tiny apartment.

Good morning motherfucker, life has set you one hell of an alarm clock today!

For the next hour, mops-a-flying, me down on my knees in dirty water sopping it up with towels, even the landlord valiantly pitching in with a…..a broom and a dustbin?

How about we throw in some physical injury to this story? Huzzah, let’s do it!

The landlady slipped on a wet floor, smashed her face and started screaming. Ended up with a broken arm and a shirt full of blood. I check my watch. It’s 5:09am. Just three hours earlier I’d been awake in bed watching Reddit go dark and trying to figure Kbin the fuck out.

And now where in this actually true story, you long-winded bastard, was something good that happened to you today?

Despite so much pre-sunrise chaos among family and barely acquaintances, amidst financial and logistical headaches and fairly substantial physical injury, none of us lost our cool even once. Not one snide remark was made by anyone, though a few jokes were passed around. It was actually a pretty fun start to my day, all those many hours ago.