this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
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Autism

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Warning: Hot take: the longer I’m a parent, the more I feel that we shouldn’t be able to have children (self.autism)
submitted 1 year ago by shiroininja to c/autism
39 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Some background:

I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.

Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.

The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭

I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”

I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.

Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do

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[–] FartsWithAnAccent 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Not to take away from what you are going through but what you are feeling right now is probably something every parent feels at some point, especially when their children are so young and doubly so when dealing with divorce. If possible, seek out help from your family, friends, and local resources. This shit is really hard even for neurotypical people. Try to be kind and patient with yourself, not just your son and, not to sound cliche, but take it one day at a time.

[–] shiroininja 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh no doubt. I think everyone struggles with parenting. It’s really difficult.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent 8 points 1 year ago

So is divorce and dealing with autism. Each on its own is a lot to deal with.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Also, know that you are not alone.

[–] shiroininja 6 points 1 year ago

Thank you