this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
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Autism

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Warning: Hot take: the longer I’m a parent, the more I feel that we shouldn’t be able to have children (self.autism)
submitted 1 year ago by shiroininja to c/autism
39 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Some background:

I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.

Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.

The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭

I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”

I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.

Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do

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[–] EfficaciousSkink 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I have high-functioning autism and a child on the spectrum. Parenting is difficult enough without adding in extra complications. However, the fact that you have an understanding of your shortcomings and are working to remedy them puts you ahead of many parents already.

It sounds like you are both going to need to work on interactions. That's OK, you may just need some extra help and patience. Parenting is a learning process for both the parent and the child.

Here's something that has worked for me and my son. We would take walks outside in different natural surroundings and point out things we find. If I found a mushroom I would point it out and talk about it. If he found an insect he would get excited and show it to me. A very low pressure environment that gets people talking and learning.

I would also be honest with his therapists about your autism. You may benefit from joint sessions with him and sessions alone with your own therapist. It is important to find the right therapists who are willing to help both of you without judgment. If one is not working out, don't be afraid to move to another.

[–] shiroininja 4 points 1 year ago

Thank you so much. You’re very kind