Daddit - Parenting for Dads

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Current dads who grew up with terrible fathers of their own - how have you done things differently? (self.Daddit)

submitted 1 year ago by Wolf_359 to c/[email protected]

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Hey Daddit

I'm about to be the father in just a couple more months. My own father, mostly absent, was a raging alcoholic who, in recent years, has made the switch to meth. I have absolutely no concept of being a good dad outside of TV and short interactions with a few of my friends' dad's (though, to be honest, most of my friends have shit fathers as well).

So I'll outsource the question - when do you feel like you're doing better than your own parents? Is it hard when you don't have a good blueprint? Any advice?

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[–] negativeyoda 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My dad was ostensibly a good dad. He did what he was supposed to, raised me, never made me feel insecure but he was distant as all fuck. There was a decade where if you'd taken all the conversations we had with one another that it might have been 45 minutes total.

So yeah: that's important backstory. I grew up not fearing my dad or anything, but I never felt I knew him. hindsight and remembering what was going through my head at certain stages of my life made me NOT want to have the same relationship with my own kid. It never felt bad per se, but I always innately knew it could be better

I just try to be present. I listen to my kid. I remember my thought processes and fears when I was her age and I try to talk to her in a way she'll understand and appreciate. I also spend a fuck of a lot of time with her