this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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I find that engaging with people as entities with rich inner lives that I can learn from no matter their appearance or background is a great trick for manipulating them into liking me. It’s crazy, 1-2 simple questions about their lives and then responding to their answers in good faith, and they’re eating out of the palm of my hand! Crazy hack, highly recommend.
Also smiling. Oh, and remembering people’s names. Those too.
Edit: Oh, and try not to smell. That’s one people struggle with for some reason.
What kind of questions you deem "simple" in this context?
By simple, I mean the cliched small talk questions that people on the internet seem to have a lot of contempt for. Had a great conversation with a lady yesterday that stemmed off of asking about the weather. Mentioned my work, she had a son in the same area, I asked her how many kids she had, how she met her husband, etc. Ended up talking about her cousin with a law degree who can’t find work here after immigrating. People have so much contempt for the simple questions, but they’re cliches because they work. You just have to listen and latch on to the things they mention.
Edit: Lets say a simple question is one where 100% of people have an opinion on it, 90% of that opinion is guaranteed to align with yours, and the remaining 10% won’t be a dealbreaker. Weather, families, sports, etc.
"Small talk" questions are, I think, something of a useful communication tool to allow safe engagement or disengagement from either participant. If you had begun by asking about how many children she had, the conversation would have been a lot shorter and come across as creepy.
Oh absolutely. Like, could I do some weirdo cold reading magic based on her wedding ring to ask about her kids? Sure. But it’s much more natural if it comes up organically during conversation.
Okay that sounds like regular small talk, which is fine I guess. Perhaps I'm thrown off with how you worded "eating off the palm of my hand", considering OP was asking about persuasion and manipulation in the thread.
Yeah, was just poking fun at OPs wording of the question. Internet weirdos seem obsessed with manipulating those around them when really all it takes to get people to like you is a modicum of personal hygiene and a friendly demeanor. You ever seen the key & peele skit about the bank job? Basically that.
A detail somewhat overlooked by the previous commentor is that the simple questions about their life are much more effective when asked with genuine interest in learning about the other human being.
If one finds music interesting, perhaps asking the individual if they enjoy the sort that is playing, which opens up potential follow-up questions that's you may then use in the secret plan to learn more about this human being, their preferences, and whether further interactions might be mutually appreciated.
Yeah I agree with your perspective, I'm still not 100% sure the other lemming meant it that way. They made it sound like anyone will fall for a smile and small chat, two things I'm always wary about with someone I don't know. The main difference with you is , you are open to actually hearing what the other person has to say, and you also acknowledge the possibility that maybe there is no room for a lot of further interaction. That's more realistic and honest.
People that approach me like you describe eventually gain my trust, but it takes time. It really brushes me the wrong way when people nose in my personal life, it's not contempt from me but plain dislike to having to answer those types of questions, although it is true that is the way people approach others in most cases.