this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2023
140 points (96.7% liked)

Asklemmy

43995 readers
1313 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I fell for someone who lives in a different country. We met while he was passing through mine, and then he later changed some of his travel plans to come back and see me again.

We saw each other every single day for over a month, he met most of my friends, we went on trips together and overall he was very loving and did all kinds of things that made me feel like we had something that could last beyond a fling. He told me he would be back again.

His feelings changed not long after he went back home, and he only admitted it to me once I confronted him after noticing him become more and more distant over 2 months. He said he found it hard to stay emotionally invested in someone so far away.

I get that long distance is hard and that people's feelings change. I just didn't think he'd lose feelings for me so easily. It hurts more than ending a relationship that has slowly burned out over time, because I just can't make sense of how quickly this happened. And I think a large part of why I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I'm genuinely interested in, let alone ones that treat me well.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing? I have a bunch of important things to finish this week and have already lost so much time crying lol.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're absolutely right. I've accomplished so much since my last - and abusive - relationship. For some reason I was able to recover from it very quickly, and I say this as someone who took 5 years to fully get over my first (also abusive) bf.

I was VERY codependent and the relationship traumatized me, but less than 2 months after the breakup, I entered an international comedy competition and won first place. Suddenly people who didn't give a shit about me before wanted me on their shows. I had all sorts of new opportunities thrown at me and now I have a huge list of things I can happily brag about.

I probably would never have taken that sort of plunge when I was with my ex. Maybe hitting rock bottom + the anger made me fearless, I don't know.

I still struggle a bit with self-image and social anxiety, but I can see how far I've come and I think overall, I'm a pretty cool person.

Thank you for reminding me that I don't have to settle for someone who doesn't see that. You're right, I shouldn't have to convince someone to be with me. I'll tell myself that next time I have a "everything reminds me of him :'(" moment (and I'm having a LOT of those, ughh)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Hell yeah! You rock and don’t you forget it.