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How do you pick yourself up after getting your heart broken? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I fell for someone who lives in a different country. We met while he was passing through mine, and then he later changed some of his travel plans to come back and see me again.

We saw each other every single day for over a month, he met most of my friends, we went on trips together and overall he was very loving and did all kinds of things that made me feel like we had something that could last beyond a fling. He told me he would be back again.

His feelings changed not long after he went back home, and he only admitted it to me once I confronted him after noticing him become more and more distant over 2 months. He said he found it hard to stay emotionally invested in someone so far away.

I get that long distance is hard and that people's feelings change. I just didn't think he'd lose feelings for me so easily. It hurts more than ending a relationship that has slowly burned out over time, because I just can't make sense of how quickly this happened. And I think a large part of why I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I'm genuinely interested in, let alone ones that treat me well.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing? I have a bunch of important things to finish this week and have already lost so much time crying lol.

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[–] antim0ny 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

You can’t really judge whether you would work long term, based on a relationship with someone who’s in travel or on vacation. People are more fun, generous, open, adventurous when traveling. It can be amazing and worth it, but the person (and the relationship) would not be that way forever.

Even in the first month of a normal relationship, its the honeymoon, desperately hopelessly in love phase. Add on the fact that he was traveling in another country -away from the pressures and doldrums of normal life - yeah, it was amazing. But he wouldn’t be that way forever. You had a special glimpse of the best he could be, but that’s not necessarily who he is every day, year in and year out.

But to answer your question: you have to actively make an effort to move on. It’s hard but try to do your best to see it as a fun experience that is in the past. You learned something from it - that you can love and be loved. And that you can love and let go, and move on as a stronger version of yourself.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

That's a great perspective and needed reality check. It's funny how even when you're aware you're in the honeymoon phase you can get so lost in it. But yeah, I hadn't even considered your first point and now you've given me more to consider. I truly appreciate it.