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Yeah, I need to hit the gym more. This week I managed to go only 2 times. But I agree that it helps a lot, it's just hard to have enough energy left to go after a full day of work.
AHDH caused me a lot of trouble in the past. I blamed myself too much. Now I deal with it a lot better, knowing that it isn't my fault, that I'm not just lazy.
Now I think my anxiety is being caused mainly from the lack of financial stability. For example, we just had a damn hurricane here in my city and the roof of my house almost went flying. I would have to sell my car to repair it. Maybe I will have to, because the climate is surely not getting better. Thoughts like this keep buzzing in my head all the time.
It sucks, there's far too many things that are out of my control. I just need to improve my ability of dealing with them. Smoking weed helps me to forget about problems for a while, but I still need to deal with them somehow.
Man, it feels like I'm talking to myself. When I'm having a heavy work week I also tend to only go twice. I'll tell you what I tell myself though, twice is plenty if I pick up the pace again in a week or two. And it is geniunely hard to get to the gym if you work, much harder than it is to actually do the exercises. No use beating yourself up about doing more than most people do anyway.
I'm lucky to finally be at a place where my ADHD feels truly under control, but I still get really pissed off if anyone insinuates I'm lazy or not committed to something, because like you that's what I internalised years ago and I literally had to stop thinking that way to become productive. People throw the word lazy around too easily.
And lastly I relate so much to your anxiety. I live in Africa and I have this consistent underlying fear that something completely out of my control could kill me or rob me of my dignity. Especially with climate change becoming more serious now like you said. Obviously there's always the risk of death anyway but I don't want to die because of a fucking flood or a drought. And beyond that I'm really worried about stuff like my pension even though I'm fucking 24 lol. If everything goes ass up what the hell happens to my money?
It sucks man, and the common advice of "don't worry about things out of your control" seems so cheap when these things could kill us or put us on the streets. I don't know where to go with any of it yet, still trying to find a way to make peace with the state of things. But I will say I'm not sure if the answer is just dealing with it better, because that kind of implies that at the moment you aren't trying hard enough, when to be frank everything might be so messed up that this state of anxiety is just normal regardless of how hard you try to deal with it. Shit is complex
My father left this city 7 years ago, because he was having constant panic attacks after some thugs tried to rob us a few times. He went to live in a small, almost dead town, where sometimes he needs to hunt and fish to have something to eat.
So I agree, this anxiety is just my body telling me I should get the fuck out of here too. But I don't want to throw my whole life away, so I'll keep going, one day at a time.