this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2025
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ADHD
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Totally understand the desire. I defintely do better when I'm in a situation where I can just deal with stuff in front of me, and someone else takes care of the long term stuff and keeps me accountable. Not sure about jobs, the army comes to mind but has some major downsides. But there's other similar gigs like the merchant navy and offshore workers, where you're living and working in a structured environment and then get a long breaks to chill out.
What worked for me was getting a partner who is organised and creates structure. Sometimes I think I miss my freedom and wish I was back being a bachelor... But then I have a few days in the house alone, getting nothing done as the mess builds up around me and not even playing games or anything fun, just failing to live... Then I remember why I traded my independence.
This reads very much like the only reason you have a partner is because they clean up after you. Or like the only thing keeping you from leaving them is the fact that they are a maid.
Hah ! No, quite the opposite. I do almost all the cooking and cleaning, because I like making my partner happy. But I can't find the motivation to do it for myself. When I was single, I would invite friends over for food as often as I could, because I love cooking, and I'd make exciting and challenging things that we'd all enjoy. But if it's just me I spend a few hours being indicisive and then just eat so much toast I feel sick and feel sad.
The structure my partner provides is someone who expects meals to be at meal times, and will judge me if I just start eating a family sized pack of snacks at 3pm because I'm peckish. Or will be disappointed if I promise to do something then just scroll my phone instead. At the time it annoys me not being free to indulge myself, but when I actually get the chance I realise how little I enjoy it. It's been really helpful to realise that just because I hate structure and rules and people's expectations... I hate the goblin I become without them much more.