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Roman fisherman being slapped in the face with his own fish after intruding on Emperor Tiberius's private island
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this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2025
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Why were emperors like that?
For Tiberius, paranoia. High-grade paranoia. The man never wanted to be Emperor, got stuck in the job, and then couldn't get out because his life was constantly under threat of assassination. He tried retiring to a private island and having contact with literally no one, and then this fisherman just SUDDENLY finds him?! Even if it's a mistake, an example MUST be made!
Alternatively, as noted, the historian Suetonius, who recorded this incident, was a dreadful gossip, and this story may not be true, though at the very least it is likely to have been a rumor floating around at the time.
Imagine if it was something stupid like "dude, a fisherman came out of fucking nowhere and offers you fish" "mmm fuck that it's poisoned, slap him with it or rub it onto his face or something" "now he smells like fish and jokes about crabs" "pinch his ass with the crab and tell him to fuck off".
Like, if they were actually ripping off your face with fish scales, would you then go "oh fuck good thing they forgot the crab lmao". That just screams masochistic energy. More likely a fisherman went "holy fuck you would not believe, who I just met" "who?" "The fucking emperor dude" "whaaat what did he do" "slap me with my fish" "whaaat that's so random" "yeah and then he pinched me with my crab and told me to fuck off"
Edit: also, was the historian there to witness it? Dude just got his walking diary to see how he fish-face-f'd a random fisherman? Then didn't go "computer, erase the last log"?