Asklemmy

44002 readers

1057 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

106

Getting Over a Breakup (midwest.social)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

62 comments fedilink hide all child comments

How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I'm not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I'm ruminating. I don't have many people to go to about this. Please don't say I will find someone else, because I can't go there right now. And I know it won't happen anyway.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Grieve. Be kind to yourself, be kind to them. Allow yourself to feel without resisting the feelings. But don't chase them either.

There isn't a right way to feel for most of this.

Part of grieving is reflection (usually). Remembering good times, bad times and wish-they-were-different times. Find a way to be with those moments and accept them as they are: moments. They aren't lost, just future ones will be different.

And that's okay. Or it will be. And you'll be okay, too.

I ruminate too. I tell myself it helps me learn, helps me grow, helps me remember not to "x". It rarely helps. It's just a conditioned response that makes me feel more control while i actually lose some.

What truly helps is healing. Learning that sometimes compatability isn't a you tho Ing or a them thing. But it's still a thing and somebody called the spade a spade.

If you weren't up to your standards, then rise. Otherwise, coat yourself in patience. Listen to YouTube videos like Tara Brach. Be honest with yourself as you heal. We all have barbs, we all have scars.