Neither on Proton nor* Nord have I ever once had speeds anywhere close to what I am supposed to be getting.
Any review website will tell you that you should expect a 10-30% drop in speeds on VPN through the Proton or Nord servers at major cities, but I always get at least a 90% drop.
I don't think it's my ISP, because I've done traveling with random providers via coffee shops and hotels and it's always the same 30-60 Mbps cap.
Is everyone just chronically lying, via articles and anecdotal user reviews? Is there some conspiracy to ensure my personal speeds are lower than anyone else's on either provider's VPN?
Both possibilities seem absurdly unlikely so there must be something else at play, right? I wouldn't even know where to begin to troubleshoot this other than the switching servers, providers, and speed test tools dozens of times like I already have.
Yes. Windows (7-10), Linux (22.04 Ubuntu, Debian), modern Android smartphones, the latter two of which using either the VPN of the device or the router that usually services all three, it's all the same. I've tried four or five different routers, which is where I get the biggest variance between the oldest at ~30 Mbps and the newest at ~60 Mbps. 99% of the time I'm using Nord, but I have tried Proton (free) and it's similar, within a margin of error.
have you tried mulvad?
I have not.
try mullvad with wireguard. looks like you've tried everything else. =) and openvpn is well known to be a shit protocol for performance.