this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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I hate people who translate the bible but use this fucking archaic way of speaking, are we seriously trying to make it as hard to read as possible just because it's old? İmagine if they intentionally used gen z speak with modern literature, fuck you
Here you go, gen z* version:
So, this one time, Jesus was walking through the village again, right? A kid ran up and accidentally bumped into him, like full-on shoulder check. Jesus was not having it and straight-up said, "You’re not gonna make it to wherever you're headed." Boom, the kid dropped dead. People who saw it were like, "Yo, who even is this kid? Everything he says actually happens!"
The dead kid’s parents came for Joseph, all mad, saying, "Bruh, you can’t stay in this village if your kid’s out here cursing people and getting them killed. Like, teach him to chill and bless people or something!"
So Joseph pulled Jesus aside, like, "Hey dude, why are you doing this? People are mad at us, and they’re gonna come for us!" But Jesus was like, "I know you didn’t come up with that yourself, but fine, I’ll let it slide for you. Still, these people? They’re gonna get what’s coming to them." And just like that, the people accusing him went blind.