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Does anyone else not care about masculinity or "maleness"? (hilariouschaos.com)

submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm a straight man and I'm comfortable in my gender and sexual identity etc I just don't feel the need to do anything stereotypically "masculine". Maybe it's just because I never felt like labels or categories define you or limit you. I just do me and what I enjoy and don't worry too much about societal expectations.

But I read on here a lot of people who do seem to care about this stuff. Saying things like "the man always wants to be the provider". Talking about what it means to be a man in the 21st century, and how masculinity has changed.

I'm not denying these people's experiences, just curious about the difference- why you do feel it's important to asset a masculine role or identity? Or why not? What even is "masculinity"?

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[–] ArbiterXero 3 points 3 days ago

I think that most of these traits are things where you say you yourself

“what kind of man do I want to be?”

And then the subsequent question

“What do I need to do to be that”

The first question is where masculinity struggles today. Many options that used to exist are no longer available for both good and bad reasons and we need a more nuanced collection of archetypes to allow for more modern men.

How do you define YOUR masculinity?

personally, I define mine by being emotionally stable but caring and respectful. I want to be emotionally intelligent. I also define it with tools because I like to build things with my hands. I also define it with sport and competitiveness.

More than 2/3 of that is fairly classic guy, and while that DOES factor into my choices, it isn’t a primary reason for them. I loved Lego, now I love my tools and workbench. It’s just an extension of my toys. I loved competitive sport and that hasn’t changed.

….. but being emotionally available and emotionally intelligent aren’t “masculine” by classic definition and we need to change that.

You still pick activities and hobbies and skills by how they make you feel, but also by how they shape “who I want to be”

And in the end, that’s really the same idea.

I want to be someone dependable that can fix things. Who do you want to be? What things do you do to try and get closer to achieving the goal of being THAT person? Maybe they are classic guy things, maybe not, but you still choose things based on how they shape who you want to be.