I can see uve put a lot of thought into this.

The beauty of being human is that u have free will. U can choose to believe what u want u can choose to do as u wish.

If u claim that someone is ur enemy then they most certainly 100% are ur enemy. If u do not claim this and they claim that u are their enemy then they are not nessasarilly ur enemy. Its a common trope that you create ur own worste enemies iron man trilogy is a great example of this.

If u where no to be "selfish" (to maximise the life of everyone over urself) then u would donate everythibg u had to make the lives of others better untill ur life is equal to that of the lowest person alive whos life u seek to improve. U would give up ur possessions ur food ur drink the organs u can spare u might even commit self immolation. U clearly are not doibg this so therefore u must admit u are on some level "selfish".

U could then say this is a ridiculous thing and that u should live to maximise ur own life over everyone else. U could poison the earth destroy the forests dig oil out of the ground to power ur weapons factory that u sell to both sides of a conflict where each side aims to genocide eachother while u push propaganda to extend this state of affairs. You could disrespect the rights of everyone for ur own enjoyment.

It is ur free will to decide where on this spectrum u wish to be. And wherever u may end up its still selfish to some degree.

Say u can create 1 unit of evil to extinguish 1million units of evil will u do this? What about 1 for 100? 1 for 2? 1 for 1.000001? 1 for 1? In all these cases u arw doing evil and at worse u arent making the world a worse place?

Imo:

I would be willing to do almost anything to achieve my goals

Pacifism simply allows the proactive to take advantage of the weak

1.8million people died of a preventable disease last year and ur worried about ur humanity because u will have enemies and thats gonna undermine ur humanity? Are u willing to ignore 1.8million deaths per year to fight another fight that is multiple orders of magnitude less harmfull? Is this not a selfish act?

People go to war and kill other humans. They berry their humanity to do so does this make them unredeemable? Why would u be any different? U can choose to forgive urself whenever u wish u cannot do somthing u truly believe to be wrong (u can have regrets fron learning new info or be forced to do somthing but then thats not on u) cos then u wpuldnt do it.

I think ur scared that trump is a facist and that hes coming to murder u and ur kin. Relax ur fine u are being used. Ur a usefull idiot for the purposes of promoting a political agenda.

If they do come for you then utilise ur second amendment to do everything that u possibly can and take as many as u can with u.