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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] Pacattack57 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Tell him straight up. Unfortunately the only approach is direct or it will get worse. After you tell him, tell your boss the conversation in case the coworker tries to be petty and report you.

I am a manager at my job and see this type of stuff all the time. Could it be he simply wants to be friendly? Sure. Either way it’s better to be direct so there is zero confusion.

I would tell him, “Look John, you’re a nice guy but I’m not interested in making small talk with you”. And then just continue your work. If he doesn’t leave you alone after that then it’s time to go to HR. Please do not feel bad. Some people lack self awareness at the workplace and don’t know how to act in a professional setting.