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What is the most unhelpful advice you have received? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 11 months ago by axolittl to c/[email protected]

253 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'll go first: "You have to have children when you're young," told to me when I was in my late 20s, with no desire to ever have kids, and no means to support them, by someone divorced multiple times with at least one adult child who does not speak to them.

Also: Responding to "How do I deal with this problem?" questions with "Oh, don't worry about it, it's enough that you're even thinking about it!"

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[–] ZombieTheZombieCat 31 points 11 months ago (1 children)

"Nothing happens in god's world by mistake." "God never gives you more than you can handle." Etc etc.

When 1 in 6 women has been sexually assaulted in their lives (and many men and NB folks), that's a really fucked up thing to say. You never know what someone's been through, and I've personally been through a lot of awful things. I guess it helps some people to tell themselves this kind of shit, but it is impossible to me to think of any kind of meaning that would make being a victim of violent crime "positive" or "worth it" or "a learning experience" blah blah blah. I think the term for that is "toxic positivity."

So either "everything happens for a reason" is utter bullshit, or god is a sadistic fucking asshole.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

I'm a Christian but I support the school of thought that says "shit happens".

Another problem with the thinking "everything happens for a reason" is that it can lead to belief in "the just world". When one thinks that life is fair you start to believe that bad things only happens to bad people, ie they deserve it.