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What is the most unhelpful advice you have received? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 11 months ago by axolittl to c/[email protected]

253 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'll go first: "You have to have children when you're young," told to me when I was in my late 20s, with no desire to ever have kids, and no means to support them, by someone divorced multiple times with at least one adult child who does not speak to them.

Also: Responding to "How do I deal with this problem?" questions with "Oh, don't worry about it, it's enough that you're even thinking about it!"

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[–] relevant_ace 26 points 11 months ago (2 children)

"You just need to focus and you can do it."

Ah yes, my ADHD ass will just magically find this focus thing you speak of instead of the long and brutal process of finding the right combination of meds and therapy. Problem solved. /s

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

ADHD advice from non-ADHD-havers has always been infuriating.

It's like yelling at a drowning person with no arms to "swim better!"

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Seems to be the case for most mental ailments. It's hard for some people to grasp that other people experience life completely differently. It took me a long time and some very patient people to finally teach me that.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I'm glad you were open to learning, though!

I have a very progressive siblings who is very pro-mental health and all that, but she never fails to mention how "those meds are so bad for you!" Yeah. I mean.. I guess. The alternative is me being unable to care for myself. But whatever.

"Try exercising!"

Cool, I'd do that if my brain didn't confine me to my bed for 18 hours without meds.

People just. don't. get it. And they need to acknowledge that they don't. It's fine!! Just don't try to act like we're on the same level playing field. We're not!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Agreed, also people need to know how literal having "poor mental health" is. The margin you have for extra load or bad things happening is so much smaller. Similar to how an unexpected bill will be shoulder shrug for someone with good economy and a disaster for someone with bad economy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Cool, I'd do that if my brain didn't confine me to my bed for 18 hours without meds.

Is that what that is? I'm in my 40s and trying to get diagnosed, and the possible ADHD has got worse over the last few years. I've gone through periods of weeks where I'm really struggling to get out of bed, and they coincide with each other.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Depression is also a condition that can cause this. Get a full health screening before you go fully looking into a diagnosis, but definitely keep it in mind if, physically, things turn up normal.

Also keep in mind that depression & anxiety can be comorbid with ADHD, which can often lead to frustrating misdiagnosis and being put onto medications that may not work quote right (if you choose to go that route). Hell, I've been told that "[you] don't have ADHD – it's trauma! PTSD!" As if the constant invalidatation of my condition wasn't one of the reasons in part that led to my mistreatment and development of PTSD.

I hope that you are able to get answers soon and have things improve!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Oh yes, such as "just form good habits"...
Sorry, I'm incapable of making habits.

Or "think how good it will feel when you're done".
Sorry, best I can do is feel enough anxiety over not having done the thing that it will outweigh the anxiety I feel regarding doing the thing".

It's such a joy sometimes...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The double-edged anxiety for any given responsibility thing is an ADHD thing? Ah heck.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Yepp, or at least a subgroup of it and/or autism.

And if you're really "lucky" it turns into PDA, "pathological demand avoidance" or as I prefer to call it "pervasive drive for autonomy". Worst case you enter fight or flight mode due to any demands on you. My feeling is that it's a understandable reaction to the feelings of anxiety demands have pushed on you over the years.

[–] xor 2 points 11 months ago

A couple of years ago I went to my GP in a very bad mental state due to what I now am fairly sure is undiagnosed ADHD.

My GP prescribed me a walk. Never been willing to try to talk to that doctor again.