Hello,
ok so first of all let me list the symptoms that I have.
- Paranoia - I always think that something could happen. for example I think I would die because of the boiling water I put one stove. somehow It could jump on me and I will die. this is just a simple example I have ton of example to give.
- Delusion - I don't always feel this way but If someone don't give me exact reason why do they doing something I would assume they are doing that to harm me. I am not that delusional that I would not believe if they explain me why they are doing certain things.
- Hallucination - This is the main symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't have it. really! I could explain why my psychiatrist thinks I have auditory hallucination. I talk to myself a lot and keep replying to my thoughts not voices thoughts. sometimes it feels like those thoughts are coming from someone else like they are talking to me. and I know it's inside my head. I doesn't even feel like normal voice. I won't try to find that person around me since I know that it's not real, I know all the conversation going on inside my head are imaginary. the problem it creates is when I am talking to my family members and at the same time I am also talking inside my head that renders me unable to pay attention to my family member who is trying to talk with me.
- Delusion of reference - I kinda feel like everyone is watching me when I go to some public place. however it isn't that bad that I couldn't even go to public places. I do go to public places however It makes me uncomfortable since I keep thinking about scenarios in which something would go off or something bad would happen or I would do something that will draw everyone's attention. again it's not that bad since I can go to public places and do whatever business I have to do there.
maybe I should show this post my psychiatrist so he could better understand however he always say that you don't have to explain the symptoms to me I already know you have schizophrenia and I always argue that I don't have schizophrenia. I don't know I am so confused :/
I have seen a lot of videos about schizophrenia and I don't even have all the symptoms of it. maybe I have one or two symptoms but that's it. I am cognitively fine and you might even call me clever on some occasion.
I also think that I don't have schizophrenia. When I was diagnosed, I was scared. I was afraid because I have always been an activist; with everything I've seen about police brutality, I thought it would happen to me. I thought I was being pursued by the police forces. I believe that paranoia is somewhat logical. On the other hand, I think my negative symptoms are more a consequence of my anxiety and depression. Since I was a child, around 13 or 14 years old, I have had social anxiety and a tendency towards sadness. I don't believe that at 13 I was already sick with schizophrenia. I have never had hallucinations (neither auditory nor visual). Just "logical" paranoia and self-referential thoughts (which could be caused by social phobia). The issue is that since I started taking antipsychotics, I began to notice symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. What makes me doubt is that there are people who have "denial of illness" and have a worse prognosis; I hope I am not one of those people. Nevertheless, I follow my treatment to the letter. Now I am fine; the only thing that makes it difficult for me to lead a normal daily life is the irritable bowel syndrome. From here, I want to send encouragement to all of you who are in the same situation. We will get through this with struggle, I am sure. A hug.
PS: I apologize if my message contains any errors. My native language is Spanish. This message is written with the help of an AI for accurate translation.
I also thinks that after taking antipsychotics I kinda started feeling better so maybe I have schizophrenia, I don't really know. I feel like other people are against me in the college but that's just my delusion. my negative symptoms are also decreasing and I feel good these days, maybe the meds are working?!
I wish you luck in fighting with schizophrenia and knowing wether you have schizophrenia or not.