Hello,
ok so first of all let me list the symptoms that I have.
- Paranoia - I always think that something could happen. for example I think I would die because of the boiling water I put one stove. somehow It could jump on me and I will die. this is just a simple example I have ton of example to give.
- Delusion - I don't always feel this way but If someone don't give me exact reason why do they doing something I would assume they are doing that to harm me. I am not that delusional that I would not believe if they explain me why they are doing certain things.
- Hallucination - This is the main symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't have it. really! I could explain why my psychiatrist thinks I have auditory hallucination. I talk to myself a lot and keep replying to my thoughts not voices thoughts. sometimes it feels like those thoughts are coming from someone else like they are talking to me. and I know it's inside my head. I doesn't even feel like normal voice. I won't try to find that person around me since I know that it's not real, I know all the conversation going on inside my head are imaginary. the problem it creates is when I am talking to my family members and at the same time I am also talking inside my head that renders me unable to pay attention to my family member who is trying to talk with me.
- Delusion of reference - I kinda feel like everyone is watching me when I go to some public place. however it isn't that bad that I couldn't even go to public places. I do go to public places however It makes me uncomfortable since I keep thinking about scenarios in which something would go off or something bad would happen or I would do something that will draw everyone's attention. again it's not that bad since I can go to public places and do whatever business I have to do there.
maybe I should show this post my psychiatrist so he could better understand however he always say that you don't have to explain the symptoms to me I already know you have schizophrenia and I always argue that I don't have schizophrenia. I don't know I am so confused :/
I have seen a lot of videos about schizophrenia and I don't even have all the symptoms of it. maybe I have one or two symptoms but that's it. I am cognitively fine and you might even call me clever on some occasion.
I knew someone who had it (deceased), but could not accept the fact they had it. For example, they would point at a white wall and ask why everyone was ignoring the face on it. When others said they don't see it, they got angry, assuming they are conspiring with the face to act like it's not there. If people brought up it might be hallucination they would have nothing of it. On their mind, they would basically be the only sane person. Everyone else was wrong/lying.
see I don't have that severe symptoms, I never had visual hallucination, I just had/have minor auditory hallucination. I won't tell anyone that faces are staring at me.
that was not the point. to put it simple, the point was: when you're a severe case, you may not be able to accept that.
okay, maybe you don't have shizo, but you still have hallus. so you need treatment before this causes some accident, right?
yes, I am seeking professional help from my psychiatrist. I am just frustrated since it isn't working out for me. I still feel almost the same except the voices(which I knew wasn't real)