Hey all, I hope this post is okay
I'm currently going through a very high anxiety moment and have been having panic attacks all weekend. I'm still in one.
I've got a doctor appointment scheduled for next week, but I need some encouragement and advice to calm things down right now.
I have avoidant anxiety. When I was a student and I started having panic attacks for the first time. I couldn't force myself out of the house and stopped showing up at work and got myself fired and failed out of my classes. It took me years to recover.
I found a therapist privately back then and did CBT and it helped make things manageable enough that for years things were okay. She's no longer working, and I specifically avoided drugs then but I think that was a mistake.
I've been working for over a decade and have been carefully managing my anxiety with only a couple incidents. I worked in small companies, then did independent contracting, but now I've been in corporate jobs since COVID.
The last couple years I've been really struggling with my anxiety. As soon as everyone started doing mass layoffs and tightening the belt I've been struggling hard. The last few months it's gotten exponentially wise, and it's beyond my ability to manage.
I can't focus anymore, sitting at my desk gives me a panic attack every day, then I fail to meet my deadlines, so I stay up all night pushing myself, which boosts my anxiety.
I feel like I'm on a treadmill running full speed, but I'm tired, I can't breath anymore, I have that feeling if I run anymore my legs will collapse. But I'm on a treadmill, if I fall I get wrangled and crushed, even though I know I can't keep running.
Man I just need someone to say they know how I feel, that I'm not alone, and to help me push the next week until my appointment.
Edit: thank you everyone, you all helped me through that moment and I'm feeling clearer right now. You said some things that were what I needed to hear, with concrete advice, and I can't express how much I appreciate that.
It's going to be a rough week and I have a lot to think about
I know exactly how you feel. Im In a very similar boat and im still trying to figure out why and exactly what it is im experiencing. A couple of good techniques I use is something called grounding where you do small things that stimulate every sense and make a mental note of exactly what the stimuli feels/smells/tastes like. for example a popsicle when you eat it focus on the how it feels cold to you, how the sweet flavor is, if its chewy or crunchy. Then do the same with touch, smell, and sound something that has a unique texture. Fidget toys are great for this but it can be something as simple as velcro youll eventually find a medium of the technique that works best for you.
When that fails for me I actually find it better to get a little exercise by taking a walk at a pace slightly higher than a stroll. I dont push myself much at all and let my body dictate when its ready for a rest. If you smoke or vape you may want to consider weaning yourself off that. Im not sure how much of a correlation it has to anxiety but for me I seem to do better when I vape lower percentages with the goal of getting to 0% nicotine. Caffeine can be a triggering substance too.
Sleep and diet is really big as well. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and make sure that sleep is good deep sleep. If you’re getting a lot of sleep but its not good sleep do what you can to improve your sleep hygiene. A big part of that eating well not only could this be a result of a deficiency but it generally affects everything. Not just low carb or low calorie foods but also foods that satisfy your vitamin and mineral needs. Fruits and vegetables are obvious but make sure its a good spread of them not just the ones you like. Im bad at this part but I have two places near me that makes very healthy and fulfilling dishes that have tons of good vegetables in them. Lastly, dont be afraid of medication I got prescribed daily Lexapro and started out on the low dose (5mg) and only recently got upped to 10mg and also recently Klonopin for occasional use when I have times of heightened anxiety. It makes me drowsy but it has turned times where I knew id be able to barely function into fairly enjoyable times where im just a little sleepy.
Sorry if my writing is sort of all over the place ive been in a quite high anxiety mode as of late too and it really makes focusing hard as im sure you know but the big thing to keep coming back to in your mind is know this: You will be ok, it is ok. Dont worry about what others think and you are taking the right steps in asking for help, as well as going to a doctor. It is not selfish as you are genuinely in need and I hope you find peace.
Thank you. Your writing was not sloppy. It means a lot to say I'm not selfish, I'm very scared of putting more pressure on my wife to keep the household running if I'm taking time for myself. She's stressed too about her work, I hate to add more to her plate.
My diet and sleep hygiene have gone down with all the stress lately and I have not been consciously trying to fix it. I've been bad about exercise too, though I'm trying to get better there.
I really appreciate your point about not being scared of drugs. I was definitely scared of them last time I saw the doctor. I did CBT after and it helped in the short term, but I'm in place where I don't think the solution can come from the behavioral side alone.