Survivors of Child Abuse

In the last year I have discovered that my childhood memories are pretty lacking, like I don't remember major life events and even whole periods of time.

The more I thought about it, the scarier it got. The feeling of having zero recollection of things that people around me remember, is really scary.

I have some psychological issues that I never really understood the root of but after this, and reading about child abuse and specifically child sexual abuse victims and the symptoms that might develop later in life. I have this feeling that maybe something happened to me, and I even have a "suspect" who is not part of my life anymore but was when I was a child.

I suspect that my mother might know something but this is too scary to ask about, and honestly, too scary to investigate because what if it's true?

Did anyone experience something like this? How did you handle it? Am I just scared because I'm missing memories and want to find a reason for my psychological issues?

Writing this down was scary, up until now this was only between me and my brain.