this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
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I'm a man, my wife made the first move, and I'm very glad she did! Taking the step from friend (or even just acquaintances) to more is risky for anyone. But, and maybe I'm biased here, I think it's currently even more risky for guys. Word can get around, and you're more likely to not just lose the one friendship, but to be labeled "creepy" generally if you're wrong. Of course it's possible for that to happen to a woman, but it's way less likely for a woman to be perceived as a creep in general, and also men don't talk amongst themselves the way women tend to.
Anyway, I knew my wife from a social space, and I didn't want to be the guy who poisoned the environment and made it an uncomfortable location for women by pursuing any of them. So I was friendly and tried to be as non threatening as possible, which meant no asking out. So I was very relieved when she made a move!
Don't know if your situation is anything like that, I'm just unsure of your source that says "active woman means short term". I mean, think of all the dudes hitting on strangers in bars which either turns into a one night stand or a short fling. The averages have got to be better than that, right?
Thanks. I don't know where I got my sources, possibly internet experts, some of my friends, my mother, other women I've met briefly.
I am a recluse practically, and we've been meeting just the two of us so there would be no toxic environment or anything. The one with stakes to lose is me, since we work in a similar industry (well atm I'm on retail but hopefully I can find a job doing what I like again) and word spreads fast. I already have two embarrassing experiences with people who are in the industry and it does NOT look helpful at all when applying for jobs. I'm always wondering if any of those guys is ever reviewing applications and if that has any impact on it.
But what you say is true though. I hate this so much