DearDaughter

Dear Daughter,

I love you, my dearest daughter. We had a good last week together despite the continued third party harassment that your mother and grandfather have deployed against me. It is certainly getting harder to deal with, which they are hoping for. I continue to stay strong despite their continued attacks on us while they constantly put our safety in jeopardy. Your mom and grandpa are buffered from the ugly side of this criminal harassment. It’s easy for them to just throw money at the “problem” while hoping I go away.

I want to go into detail about the ugly truth relating to your mom’s direct actions which are just as bad as the continued third party harassment that I experience from them. This might be the tough truth about your mom and too much for you to bear. I still have a problem grasping the capacity that some people have for bad behavior while being oblivious to the damage that they create. It’s your decision to continue reading or not. This abuse accompanied by the third party harassment that your mother’s family hired are overwhelming to bear. I find myself falling into the same pitfalls that they intentionally create for me over and over again.

Probably one of the most damaging and destructive things that your mother has done was her strategizing with her attorney for the use of minor’s counsel. This strategy started around the time I relocated to Los Angeles to be closer to you, about the year 2019. Your mom played the long game with this strategy which is why it was so destructive to everyone involved.

Minor’s counsel is a family law attorney that represents the interests of the child. To simplify the description of their job, I would tell you this person works solely for your interests (the child), and goes to court to get you what you request when one or more of the parents disagree. You, as the child would converse with this attorney and tell them the issue and what you are lacking. They would then go to court to fight for your interests. Do you want to start playing ice hockey? Sure, she’ll go to court to fight for your right to do so, despite one parent thinking it’s dangerous, or the parent thinking it is too expensive. If you want to start playing football, she’ll absolutely take the offensive for you in court. Starting at $400 per hour and up, billed to the parents, there is absolutely all the incentive for them to represent you, whenever they can.

Here’s the kicker to all of this, as I mentioned, your mom was playing the long game with this strategy. She was hoping that for some reason you would be unhappy living with daddy because he makes you go to church, or unhappy with the fact that daddy lives in an apartment, whereas mommy just bought a million dollar home and turned it into a McMansion with a swimming pool and big backyard. Perhaps mommy got a whole bunch of dogs and daddy can’t have dogs because he lives in an apartment. You just go and tell your minor’s counsel, that you want to live with mommy most of the time, and minimize daddy’s time to just every other weekend. She will fight for what you want and your mommy will be very happy about that decision, hoping it goes in her favor. It’s the chance to eliminate daddy from the picture or at least gain full control of you and make his life a living hell. I’m simplifying the concept of the purpose of minor’s counsel but the idea is just that, and your mom was hoping for this to happen.

They came up with this plan a long time ago, and put this idea in your mom’s head that it might work. There is nothing better to fill an attorneys coffers than to have a long term strategy in the works. How do I know this was a long term strategy? Shortly after my move to Los Angeles, it came in as a request from your mom and they never stopped requesting us to agree to it and over again until they finally went to court for it after years of pushing for it. To this day I cannot understand why your mother would want to subject you to something so traumatizing as this. Thankfully the story doesn’t end the best for mommy and her scheme.

So, minor’s counsel is half of the problem. The other half involves two quarters of further strategy in preparation for that day when mommy goes to court to request minor’s counsel. How do we prepare the long game for this? One quarter is simple. Brainwash you into rejecting everything daddy wants in your life, while creating chaos surrounding those decisions that he makes for you. The ones he is praying that you will also be interested in as well.

One example of this brainwashing, if you remember, is related to daddy’s desire for you to be in religious instruction which only takes place two times every month on Sundays and you only attend these when they fall on Daddy’s weekends, not mentioning the many you miss because religious instruction falls on mommy’s weekend. One time this conflicted with one of the 2 to 4 soccer games that you have each weekend, while practicing 3 to 4 times each week between three different teams. Well, your mom went to court for that and wasted all our time and money and guess what? She lost, but not until she brainwashed you into thinking that daddy is wrong and you don’t need to go to religious instruction because it’s wrong and God may not exist and it’s wrong and there is Buddha and Allah and it’s wrong there is every other God out there, and it’s wrong, why does daddy want you to believe in Jesus? Do you remember when you started becoming rebellious towards daddy about how you don’t want to do the things I want you to do and how I didn’t support you. Mommy’s words verbatim. She even admitted in email to encouraging you this way.

Let’s move on from that one. Remember the time when you wanted to watch your friends play in their soccer game that rainy weekend day and I demanded that you eat lunch, then your mom came around and made a scene telling me to let you do what you want, and allow you to watch the game your friends were playing, and mommy got into an argument with daddy in public? Baby, you had to eat your lunch before you could watch the game. I was not going to let you miss the nutrition that you needed, especially on a game day on Daddy’s weekend. Then, do you remember us eating your lunch and watching this game from the comfort and dryness of daddy’s car despite mommy’s interference? I remember how it took me quite a while to clean all the mud out of every crevice of my vehicle from that day. If it wasn’t for your mom’s interference in that situation, I would say that was one of the most memorable moments that we’ve had together. To this day your mom tries to use this issue and others against me where she flips the script to make me look like the bad guy.

I digress to the matter at hand. How did I recognize the brainwashing? It was easy to see this with many issues as I mentioned, I watched both your mom and you repeating the exact same terms verbatim about your desire not to do something or to do something or that it’s bad that daddy... I addition, your mother also gave you certain decision making authority that you were unable to make at your age. It’s called parentification, when the child becomes the parent in decision making. Poisoning a child’s mind against a parent is parental alienation. Many people in the family law industry consider these acts to be child abuse and I tend to agree with them.

That’s the first quarter. The other quarter of this strategy involves inciting daddy in mom’s emails to him, and in her actions in an attempt to make daddy look like the bad guy just for defending himself from mom’s attacks and with the help of mommy’s attorney in creating these fine responses to incite daddy she can make them look real good to a judge and daddy will look real bad. To this day your mom shouts from her pulpit about how bad a parent I am, for one of the tens of complaints that she has about my parenting, she argues that I’ve blocked her from texting me. And to this day I still can’t understand why she would want to brag about that fact. There is a reason, that I limit my communications with your mother. To put it plainly, she is abusive, passive aggressive in her communications and manipulative in her actions. I could run through the gamut of examples but there are so many. Perhaps one day I’ll update this post to include them.

Put it all together, and add the absolute inflexibility in her parenting as a result of her prolonged obsessive anger with daddy, grandpas constant bad mouthing of daddy, and a couple of other things that you may not understand, and you have a recipe for abusive and traumatic behavior, child abuse and domestic violence. Add the stalking and harassment by proxy (third party) that I’ve endured, throw it into the mix and you have criminal actions punishable by the law, add a little corruption and extortion and you’ve got a party.

The end result of all of these abuses perpetrated by your mom and grandpa is that your mom recently went to court to request minor’s counsel and lost, but not without all the fallout and devastation that she has created for at least 5 years, as a result of the abuse she gave me, preparing for her big day in court. All that preparation, all that abusive behavior towards me in preparing for this day. Time that could have been spent working together on parenting you. To this day the abuse hasn’t stopped. It’s sad to say that your mom has turned all that strategy into a continual bad habit.

If you recall, I have been pushing for a psychologist to help us in co-parenting. When a problem would arise, this co-parent counselor would get us both on the phone and hash out our differences for a fraction of the cost of minor’s counsel without exposing you to something so traumatic, like having some stranger fight against mommy or daddy in court, or worse, requiring you to go to court to speak in front of other people and with the judge. As I mentioned, I’ve asked mommy to do this with daddy dozens of times, and she either denies or ignores my request to get this help we desperately need. Doing this would be too easy and detrimental to the strategy that she was hoping would work out for her.

I’m going to end this post by saying that I’m proud of myself, while I give myself a pretty big pat on the back for what I’ve had to deal with from your mom and grandpa. I’m not a perfect parent but your mom has caused a lot of damage to all of us, not just me. The problem is that she just won’t stop. If she is unhappy then she needs her family to help her, not to cheer her on fighting indefinitely. I keep wondering why isn’t your grandma standing up and saying this is wrong? Why isn’t the family friend R not stepping up to the plate and saying that this needs to end? I want to say that I love my family so much for their support through all this. I have certain friends that have stuck through all this as well. I thank them too. God bless them all for their kindness and patience with me while I deal with the turmoil needlessly created.

Love, Daddy