Autism

I hear you on the top one. This is something I ponder over time to time. On account of being taught that universalism means equality, but it does not mean that everyone's existence will be grand. And by that I mean - in order to implement such a system I think most people living in developed nations would have to greatly reduce their expected quality of life in order to implement a total social universalism. And of course as you go down the ladder, that would be less than say someone sitting in the middle or the top. But I think it's unrealistic to think that it would just be the cash cows that would kneel in this situation. Likewise, that they would. As many capitalist lean heavy into some shady idealisms like libertarianism and eugenics. A guy once told me all men have the same twenty-four hours in a day and I told him that's bullshit. But almost everything around me that I can think of was created pretty much through slave labor (even if I believe in minimalism). And I believe things would have to significantly change in order to create a mindset in which humans were okay with being "less comfortable." Which is why I always said it's funny people will treat a dog better than they will a human. I am not saying that I am for capitalism, and I hope you don't take it as such. What I mean is, I think there needs to be approachable steps and uniting systems laid down in order to make humans see all humans as equals and worth such graces. But as it stands, I am not sure it's going to happen as a whole. And I'm just here for the ride, as when I leave so does my bloodline.

I believe in egalitarianism. Maybe on account of being a descendant of several collectivist societies. But I am also a born and bred American, and can't parade as anything else. I believe hive-minded thinking is weak in many forms, because while change can come quickly - it's easy to throw away decency in the name of the greater good. I have met and even once loved a handful of west-coast flavored anarchists. I think they work very well together in small commune-y type settings. But I am still uncertain of how they would work with a larger buy-in. Because many of them are actually quite emotional and thoughtful. And most people I've met in my travels try their best to stay emotionally numb. Because otherwise they check-in and realize how miserable they truly are. Which I often circle back to thinking about how we might have been as a whole. At least since societies are formed. Or even perhaps the smartest individual I have ever had the privileged to call a friend supposing that perhaps being alive is just a depressing experience to all on some level. On the media, I believe most countries are that way, at least to their own countries. As media is all one giant mind-control machine. And America did really good to setup the game with Hollywood, but I think because of the internet things are more transparent in some senses. And more bogged down (with chatter and bullshit) in another. It's hard to know what to trust, or to believe in. So it leaves a lot of apathy in its wake.

I never worked considering the value. But I am a poor advocate in that sense. I think it might be a combination of factors here. But honestly, it's probably some combination of my mental faculties ultimately. Because I can really only think in a singular relatively extreme way. Regardless of how open I try to be. And I can really only focus on one singular thing at a time, regardless of how hard I try to look at all the spinning plates. My gal always says I'm a great manager because I am charismatic and am a good schemer/churner of things. But I think I really lack in the spaces that both ADHD and Autism affect in which neurotypical people soar. And so ultimately I feel like a weak navigator of the "system" as a whole. Especially on account of being a firm believer of people doing "What they want, not what they are told to." Which is perhaps the anti-venom of a capitalist boss right there. In my heart of hearts I want to believe that people will do what they believe they should, and that want will spring from that well. Because it's how I do. If it's something I feel like doing, I will do it - in any world. Even here. But ultimately I think most people do not work in that way. Because I think most people actually are just barely scraping by because the majority are burnt-out. And honestly, a large chunk of that is from capitalism itself. So yet again - don't love it. But don't go into a job being pissed that I am not getting paid my value. Cause if I did, I would never work again as a queer brown female-presenting human being =P!

I will also say that when I work with kind heart folks, which are my bread and butter - they work with me because we're all just good to one another. And that's my favorite kind of work environment. I'm proud that I worked my way up, but I am not my job - I'm me =)!