this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2023
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Naniniwala ako sa kasabihang, "if we knew better, we could have done better."
Ginawa mo lang ang alam mong tama base sa kaunting alam mo. Sapat man yun o hindi, minsan wala na tayo magagawa para mabago ang sitwasyon kundi patawarin ang ating mga sarili at iwasan na lang maulit muli yung mga mali.
Kung galing ka sa isang abusive relationship, mahirap maging mabait sa sarili. Sana matutunan mong mahalin at magpatawad ng sarili para di maulit muli yung mga mali.
Tagos na tagos sakin tong sinabi mo na 'to. Recently kasi I've been questioning myself baka nga talagang di ko nahandle nang maayos yung relationship. Baka ako talaga yung dahilan why it became chaotic. Pero kung aalisin ko kasi yung acquired knowledge ko ngayon after everything that happened, I think I really just did what I thought was right during those times. I'm slowly coming into terms with it. Kaso the threat of her, committing suicide is becoming a huge roadblock para makapagstart na sana ko magfocus on my own healing. Why is the world so cruel? Antagal ko bago makakuha ng courage to not chase after her tapos biglang may suicide threats naman sa huli. Ang gulo rin kasi she keeps saying na she's not trying to get me back. Pero at the same time she's saying na ginagawa nya yun kasi she feels she has no one else already. And that wala naman daw kasing sasagip sa kanya. And that desidido na daw sya. Hirap neto sobra.
Natatakot sya na hindi nya makakayayanan yung loneliness at helplessness. Natatakot ka naman na hindi mo makakayanan yung guilt, tama ba?
Sana dumating yung araw na marealize nyo na kaya nyo pala separately. Mukhang malabo lang siguro sa ngayon with the limited info and skills we have. Hopefully , eventually, we'll learn how to cope if we keep trying.