Asklemmy

43806 readers

873 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

133

Sorry for the potentially controversial question: is it normal for less attractive people to settle down with partners they don't find physically attractive? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

68 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Thing is, sex is not a privilege. If you - as someone in such a situation as OP - can't accept that, you are in danger of growing.. hateful views.

No one is entitled to sex, I agree. But in a relationship, you are allowed to make clear what your needs are and move on if those needs aren't being met. It's not entitlement to know what you want. Having a 'dead bedroom' is why a lot of relationships end.

I don't want to become such a person, and it's clear that it's not their fault that they are not attracted to me. Realizing this helped me accept it.

If I may ask, was there any physical attraction between you two when you met?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If I may ask, was there any physical attraction between you two when you met?

To be honest, there is no other person here. Not yet, at least. My case is a little different, because it's not about how I look, not even the personality (but who knows actually? I know I have problems e.g. finding the right tone, and sometimes seeming harsh), but some other properties that are day to day pretty noticeable, and are often associated with being handicapped (not in the meeting of being silly) (even by myself when I notice it on others). I know that this is universally a thing (or rather things) that is hard to accept, and I seriously wouldn't want to live with someone like that either.

The point I wanted to make is that it's ok if no one wants to be with me.
I have not yet started searching for an "economical partnership".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I don't know you but my advice is that you talk to a therapist before you condemn yourself to a life of unhappiness. What you're thinking about yourself is not always objective, even if you think it is. Being self-critical is not the same as being realistic