this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
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Not OP but I hear so many stories of sexual harassment, of people insisting on having sex when you clearly state in your profile you are not looking for a hookup and calling you names when you do not give in, "sour grapes" treatment for rejection for any reason really ("I just messaged you out of pity!" stuff), of gay people getting messaged by straight ones thinking they can "turn" the gay person… as a woman lucky enough to have never experienced this kind of trash in my life, I am NOT willing to open the floodgates to harassment or this level of rudeness and experience it for the first time.
It helps that although it would be nice to have a partner, I know I could be happy and fulfilled without one, so I'll never have a desperate need for a partner that pushes me to risk harassment and use an app.
I am in a happy relationship since before dating apps became popular, so I don't have first-hand experience, but that would be my last choice for finding a partner. For me, meeting someone has always been a matter of circumstance. I never went anywhere with the idea of meeting friends or a partner, so somehow everything just happened by itself and I have a great partner and great friends. I would say you should just follow your interests and try to be happy with yourself, then the rest will come by itself (of course it's easier if you go to a sports club instead of doing sports with your favorite youtuber or take a pottery class instead of reading a book at home if you have the vague goal of making new acquaintances). Plus openness, honesty and a bit of humor will get you further than any dating app, I'd say.
I feel like that great advice… for people who need it. Not sure if this reply is directed at me, but if it is I feel like you are replying as if I complained about not being able to meet people and desperately wanting a partner and need to hear the advice… my entire post was that I am eschewing dating apps because I hear how hellish they are and that I do not need one anyways because I'm already happy by myself and I'll take a partner if one comes. I am not explicitly seeking, either, just not closed off to the option if it shows up.
If you are commenting for any onlookers instead, I totally get it. I've accidentally fallen into all my relationships too, by way of participating in activities that involve other humans (I personally pursue music—specifically making it with other people. Piano accompaniment is just more fun for me than playing solo), or meeting them through friends. I have never used a dating app for actually meeting anyone, although I did sign up for OKCupid as a 12-year-old just to take the personality quiz (with an obviously fake profile) so I can't actually say "never used a dating app".
Sorry, yes this was not specifically meant for you, English is not my first language and it is missing a word to adress unspecified persons, which I have in my language, so I had to use "you" instead.
"Speaking in general" would have worked, as would have just saying "people" or using generic nouns.
I have no idea how to make this come across in a helpful, informative tone but please know I mean it that way and not in an aggressive way.