this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2024
5 points (53.0% liked)
Asklemmy
42434 readers
2655 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Hobbies is the answer.
Join a gym, go once a week until you want to go more.
Go to trivia at a bar that does it the same day every week.
Find a local club for an interest you have.
Find things that happen on a schedule that you have to show up for.
The problem you’ve described, in my experience, is that it sounds like you don’t have a life for anyone to join you in.
Nothing comes easy, even hobbies, you have to decide you want to do a thing and then do it on purpose even if you don’t want to do that thing in that moment.
I am coincidentally also 35, and had similar sentiments following my most "recent" divorce (4 years ago!)
Your comment is bang on mate. The second to last paragraph really hits home but it's something that I really needed to acknowledge and accept if I ever wanted to move on.
Went to a gig recently, was in a mosh pit for the first time in over a decade, and a fucking LOVED every bit of it, bruising and all.
You just gotta find your vibe, and it takes effort, but once you do others will see your vibe and want to jiggle with you (I'm not great at analogies hopefully this makes sense).
And I'll never have one
Edit:
Especially when you choose to not have one.
I assure you even at the bottom of my deepest darkest depression, after 2 COVID deaths and suddenly finding myself a single father left alone with my son … I still CHOSE the isolation route.
It wasn’t the depression and everything else choosing, it was me acquiescing to the sweet sad embrace of it. It was cathartic but it was also drowning.
I don’t mean this to minimize, it is crippling and debilitating but it is still our choice. When you’re failing to choose to get up remember the choice is still yours and turn that into power for the next time.
Take a chance. The worst case scenario is you stop doing the thing you weren’t doing already.
Life is absurd, make your own meaning and your own purpose.
I'm sorry but that's not possible.
Sounds like you want to never have one. That's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have convinced yourself so hard that this is who you are, that you are making that who you are.
If you don't want to be this person, don't be that person.