Self Help

52 readers
1 users here now

Community for helping you on your self-improvement journey.

Other advice:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
1
 
 

Some of the programs offered through JFS Silicon Valley include Jewish Family Service and young adult service provision that responds to the needs of the people. This means anything from helping seniors find the support they need to nurture young people to become better citizens. We are out to enrich the lives of the people in our society.

2
3
3
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by professor_entropy to c/selfhelp
 
 

“You see this goblet?” asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. “For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

adapted by Mark Epstein (from Thoughts Without a Thinker)


Credit for the excerpt https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/q42omi/the_glass_is_already_broken/


Personal thoughts:

This is similar to a good relationship advice: "your partner is not yours, it's just your turn" that helps you to not be possessive and allows you to enjoy every moment with them.

I've successfully used this philosophy to calm myself regarding various anxieties: getting old, losing job due to poor performance, being likeable, etc. If I really believe this job is already lost (even when it hasn't) I tend to be more focused on working to solve it instead of sulking.

4
 
 

Excerpt from "59 seconds: Think a little, change a lot" by Richard Wiseman


In one study, conducted by Lien Pham and Shelley Taylor at the University of California, a group of students was asked to spend a few moments each day visualizing themselves getting a high grade on an important midterm exam that would take place in a few days’ time. 1 They were asked to form a clear image in their mind’s eye and imagine how great it would feel to make a high grade. The study also involved a control group of students, who went about their business as usual and were not asked to visualize doing especially well on the exams. The experimenters asked the students in both groups to make a note of the number of hours they studied each day, and monitored their final grades. Even though the daydreaming exercise lasted only a few minutes, it had a significant impact on the students’ behavior, causing them to study less and make lower grades on the exam. The exercise may have made them feel better about themselves, but it did not help them achieve their goals.

In another experiment, Gabriele Oettingen and Thomas Wadden, at the University of Pennsylvania, followed a group of obese women taking part in a weight-reduction program. 2 During the work, the women were asked to imagine how they might behave in various food-related scenarios, such as going to a friend’s house and being tempted with tasty pizza. Each of their responses was categorized on a scale ranging from highly positive (with, for example, someone stating, “I would be a good person and stay well away from the cakes and ice cream”) to highly negative (“I would be straight in there, consuming both my own and other people’s portions”). After the women were tracked for a year, the results revealed that those with more positive fantasies had lost, on average, twenty-six pounds less than those with negative fantasies.


The author recommends a "doublethink" approach instead, where you visualise both the positive outcomes and the negative ones, asking questions like what your plan of action would be on failure while simultaneously thinking about the benefits of success.

5
 
 

I'll start. No more Mr. Nice Guy had the biggest impact on me, especially learning about covert contracts and how to avoid making those.

6
 
 

I re-discovered my old habit of talking to myself recently. I talk to myself in second person and try to dissect why I'm feeling the way I feel. I encourage myself and go into lengthy discussions.

It helps me clear my head of negative thoughts. It helps me plan. I get motivated because I often realise there's a solution to the problems I thought were impossible to solve because of various wrong assumptions.

It's almost like writing in a diary, but it's faster and laziness doesn't hinder it as much.

Not a panacea, it has its own problems. Your blindspots may still remain and it's better to talk to someone else too. It's also not a replacement of writing, it's complementary to it.

Does anybody else do the same? Do you view it positively?