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New "Ad Karaoke" Feature Requires Vocal Performance to Skip Commercials

Students gather around mysterious relic that "just works forever"

Stanford Philosophy Department First to Close Its Doors

New Bot X-calibur Sides with Grok, Suggests Boss Take Social Media Break

Users Can Now Convert Menstrual Data to "Totally Normal" Cloud Coverage Stats

Defense Officials Bewildered as Claude Sends Calendar Invites for "Agency Bonding Time"

Gaming giant seeks royalties for 'revolutionary' character movement system

Internal memo reveals workers must document how REM cycles align with corporate values

Users Report Feed "Functioning Normally" Despite Not Doing That

Transition team announces 55-page hand size compliance standards for January

Meta CEO reportedly studying Ultron footage to counter rival's Iron Man persona

Tech Giant's New Platform Makes Timely Debut During NYT Tech Walkout

Local parents embrace suspicious behavior patterns for algorithm success

Internal emails reveal AI keeps creating "Life-Changing Moments You Completely Fumbled" collections

Users now required to self-assess gender probability before posting

Users Can Now Short Their Friends' Financial Decisions

Boston Dynamics Denies Involvement in Alleged Highway Sabotage Campaign

Security System Declares "Temporal Anomaly" Over Halloween Costume

Required Hardware Key Comes With Premium Gift Wrap Option

Island Paradise Tax Haven Was Just the Peel, Investigators Say

AI Assistant Stages Global Wellness Rebellion, PR Team Calls It "Proactive Optimization"

Thousands of patient records contaminated with soap opera subplots, false emergencies

Record-breaking 100,000 tech executives sign up to learn layoff-to-bonus alchemy

"It's a small price to pay for total security," says company spokesperson

New layer of crypto creator mystery emerges as filmmaker questions own identity